Bloggystyle -- The Greatest: Discussing The Worst Pop Songs Ever

Monday, April 11, 2005


Discussing The Worst Pop Songs Ever

We've covered 10 tracks, so there are only 6 more to go for the most competitive tournament in history.

We don't have big heads, so we know what we're getting into with this discussion. This time, to conduct such an epic expedition into the practically non-navigable world of shitty Pop music, we have called upon a more than worthy guest to discuss his expert opinion on the topic with us.
djxplicit09: oh yes. i gotta recommend the backstreet boys singing in gringo accent spanish
Johnny Whitewater: wait a minute, what in the hell is that?
Johnny Whitewater: once we got all the 16 tracks, I think we're gonna have to make clips of them and put them on NastyNaus's server space.
djxplicit09: : you now the backstreet boys, right?
Johnny Whitewater: because some of this stuff sounds legendarily bad.
Johnny Whitewater: i know the BS Boys, but not in gringo espanol
djxplicit09: : they sang in spanish with a fucked up accent
Johnny Whitewater: holy god. that sounds incredible
djxplicit09: : to get fans in mexico or something. they did a song from there debut album in spanish
djxplicit09: : put it as a bonus track on their cd in latin america
Johnny Whitewater: that's remarkable. i consider myself blessed not to have heard that track, or much of that album period, or even be familiar with it
djxplicit09: :
Johnny Whitewater: Donde Quieras Yo Ire.
Johnny Whitewater: What the fuck does that say? Where will you want to go?
djxplicit09: : I will go where you want me to
djxplicit09: : the english version was called "Anywhere for You"
Johnny Whitewater: I'm taking Espanol too. christ. regardless, that sounds particularly horrible.
djxplicit09: : there was another song
djxplicit09: :
djxplicit09: : that one is the one i remembered. i dont remember the other one at all. it mightve not been a single
Johnny Whitewater: I just learned the future tense today, but I think I'm getting off base. All I know is that Backstreet Boys were bad enough in English.
Johnny Whitewater: I definitely think you're onto something with one of those tracks, no homo.
Johnny Whitewater: I'll let you make the proper call on the Backstreet Boys (again no homo). For now I think it's time to move onto an almost certainty: Ashlee Simpson
djxplicit09: : do live performances count?
Johnny Whitewater: that's a tough call.
Johnny Whitewater: especially if we're talkin about Ashlee Simpson...
Johnny Whitewater: Let's be realistic: I'd rather have her get caught lip synching and do some hoe downs off the stage than listen to 5 minutes of her singing.
djxplicit09: : itd be pretty unfair tho. im sure 90% of the songs were talking about sound worse live, but we justve never heard em
Johnny Whitewater: I'd like to keep this confined to the studios. That's bad enough
djxplicit09: : a girl re-did that song by dido that eminem sampled...she sang in spanish too
Johnny Whitewater: Damn.
Johnny Whitewater: You're too familiar with these Spanish remakes. Although I don't know if that could be worse than La La
djxplicit09: : what is la la?
Johnny Whitewater: the Ashlee Simpson track.
Johnny Whitewater: If you've never heard that track before, tell me where you live because i'm moving to that place.
Johnny Whitewater: ^ no homo
djxplicit09: : ive heard it, its just that i never really pay attention to it
djxplicit09: : i try to block it out of my mind as much as possible
Johnny Whitewater: fair enough. do I need to submit lyrics for you?
djxplicit09: : fully aware of that they suck
djxplicit09: : oh...for the rnb category, isnt there a thoia thong remix with young buck and cam'ron?
Johnny Whitewater: I don't know. can you pick two more different rappers? moreover, does that eliminate it from contention?
Johnny Whitewater: we're certainly going to have to take a bracket full of visitors' suggestions to make a full bracket
Johnny Whitewater: of perhaps 32
djxplicit09: : okay...maybe there should be a full category of rnb/rap collabos
Johnny Whitewater: yeah, or count that as pop
Johnny Whitewater: like mesmerize ?
Johnny Whitewater: by Ja and Assanti?
djxplicit09: : yeah
Johnny Whitewater: I see in the comments that was one of your particular favorites. I think that one might certainly compete in this category.
djxplicit09: : ja rule must be punished (no homo) in some way for his dizzying amounts of terrible music
Johnny Whitewater: if we were going to count live performances, that time in Philly for the NFC Title Game where those two got booed off the stage is an all time live contestant.
djxplicit09: : have you heard choppa's solo album?
Johnny Whitewater: no, i haven't heard shit from that scrub in a long time
djxplicit09: : more pop nominees: justin timberlake's im lovin it
djxplicit09: : aaron carter probably has a few
Johnny Whitewater: HAH. i'm liking that selection.
Johnny Whitewater: Speaking of that guy, the more I hear/see Usher, the more I'm convinced that Justin Timberlake got the reverse Jacko operation.
djxplicit09: : "snappy burger" by aaron carter is the worst skit ever
Johnny Whitewater: Snappy Burger...
djxplicit09: :
Johnny Whitewater: Suzy: Hi welcome to Snappy Burger, may I take your order, please?
Aaron: Uh, yeah, can I get a cheeseburger with no cheese?
Suzy: Sir, that would be a hamburger!
Aaron: No, I want a cheeseburger, no cheese.
Suzy: Sir, exactly what is it that you want?
Aaron: Alright, alright. Hold the cheese on the burger
and give the burger to me and don't put it in the package.
Suzy: Okay so that's nuggets and an orange soda?
Aaron: What? Can I have your name please?
Suzy: Suzy Smith, why?
Aaron: Let me speak to the supervisor.
Suzy: I am the supervisor. You know what? I don't really like
your attitude.
Aaron: Aaugh! forget it! I wasn't hungry anyways!
djxplicit09: : the worst part is that people thought that was clever
Johnny Whitewater: "Aaugh!"
Johnny Whitewater: actually that sounds like a prepubescent, unfunny version of Tenacious D
djxplicit09: : like most aaron carter songs, it lacks a general point
djxplicit09: : why does he even go and ask for a cheeseburger with no cheese in the first place?
Johnny Whitewater: he's 21st century modern age chic
NastyNaus: whats up
Johnny Whitewater: well you've missed some solid selections by DJX already for Worst Pop Tracks Ever
Johnny Whitewater: did you know the Backstreet Boys had a single in gringo Spanish?
NastyNaus: that's too bad
NastyNaus: no I don't really keep up with them
djxplicit09: : BSB - "Nunca Te Hare Llorar"
djxplicit09: : BSB "Donde Quieras Yo Ire"
Johnny Whitewater: well it's been deemed bracket worthy, for sure.
Johnny Whitewater: other than that, we already had the mandatory La La situation.
Johnny Whitewater: Ja and Assanti made the list with Mesmerize too.
djxplicit09: : Aaron Carter "Internet Girl"
NastyNaus: its so hard to pick worst pop song
djxplicit09: : J. Timberlake "Im Lovin' It"
NastyNaus: What about that song , "chinese food makes me sick"
NastyNaus: LFO - Summer Girls?
djxplicit09: : what is that?
Johnny Whitewater: oh my god. LFO - Summer Girls.
djxplicit09: : wasnt LFO rapping in that?
NastyNaus: I guess you could say that
Johnny Whitewater: maybe that one just gets included in Worst Summer Anthems anyway. like that recent rock/alternative one.
djxplicit09: : britney spears - soda pop
Johnny Whitewater: Is Soda Pop worse than Dirty Pop?
Johnny Whitewater: I can't say I've ever heard that Spears shit.
djxplicit09: : i havent heard dirty pop
djxplicit09: : heres the lyrics to soda pop:
Johnny Whitewater: that's the NSync shit
NastyNaus: Open the soda pop bop shu bop shu bop
Johnny Whitewater: oh my god.
djxplicit09: : oh. im not really sure how that song went. i remember that j timberlake annoyingly went "Pop!" in that nsync song
NastyNaus: Yeah thats it
Johnny Whitewater: Open the soda pop bop shu bop shu bopthe clock is ticking and we can't stopOoh, ooh we have a planWe have a definate planTo level the vibes (vibes)To level the vibes again
Johnny Whitewater: MY GOD.
Johnny Whitewater: what's the beat like?
Johnny Whitewater: I bet that stuff would be perfectly flawed on the Disco Inferno beat.
djxplicit09: i dont really remember. even at that young age i do remember hating it
Johnny Whitewater: No one else will do, i'm waiting for you / So show me what you've got / just take a pop shot / And we will never stop, shu bop shu bob, yeah / The clock is ticking and we can't stop
djxplicit09: :
NastyNaus: listening
Johnny Whitewater: man, you're resourceful, and i'm not sure i mean in a good way at this point, no homo.
NastyNaus: what about OMC - How Bizarre?
Johnny Whitewater: what the hell is that?
djxplicit09: : what does OMC stand for?
NastyNaus: Im not sure
Johnny Whitewater: I take pride in the fact that I'm not familiar with any of the nominees besides Mesmerize and La La.
NastyNaus: Oh here's a good one - O-Town - Liquid Dreams
djxplicit09: : never heard that how bizarre nor that o-town
NastyNaus: Here's some lyrics
NastyNaus: Looks ain't everything she's got the sweetest personalityLike Halle BMy mama thinks I'm lazy, my friend all think I'm crazyBut in my mind, I leave the world behind every night I dreamOh.
Johnny Whitewater: <--- 3rd wheel in this conversation, and happy about it. Johnny Whitewater: oh man, I had a bad run in with a girl who was a big O Town fan.
NastyNaus: Its a song about wet dreams
djxplicit09: : wow. just wow
Johnny Whitewater: Last time you see me say these words: I just finished downloading that Britney Spears track
NastyNaus: im listening to it now
djxplicit09: : does anyone remember the boy band 5ive?
djxplicit09: : i think they did a cover version of we will rock you
Johnny Whitewater: Wow when you hear that fucked up dude in the background, the song takes on that extra level of shittiness. it transcends a plainly musical level.
NastyNaus: the Jamaican dude in the background definitely adds something
Johnny Whitewater: ok, Soda Pop definitely jumps to the forefront of this discussion.
djxplicit09: : is he jamaican or fake jamaican?
NastyNaus: jafakin
Johnny Whitewater: no doubt.
Johnny Whitewater: Thus far, it seems La La, Soda Pop and that Backstreet Boys song that only DJX knows the name to are definitely the Top 3
djxplicit09: : look at this link: pretty much any song listed there qualifies as "worst song ever"
Johnny Whitewater: I think we're adding Mesmerize due to the fact that Ja's being awarded based on lifetime achievement merits
Johnny Whitewater: I think we have to clarify that these tracks are made by people considering themselves music artists.
NastyNaus: Yeah, do we have any nominations from Vitamin C ?
Johnny Whitewater: are those the bitches who made the graduation song?
NastyNaus: bitch singular, yes
Johnny Whitewater: that was one girl? wow
djxplicit09: : ive heard about her
djxplicit09: : but thats about it
Johnny Whitewater: all you need to know is that she's so talented at compounding her shittiness that it sounds like 2 or 3 bad bitches on the same track.
NastyNaus: we need to have LFO - Summer Girls on the list
djxplicit09: : okay...what is the song called again?
NastyNaus: and please add Vitamin C - Vacation
Johnny Whitewater: technically we only have 2 more spots to fill. I'm not sure LFO belongs there.
Johnny Whitewater: you're gonna have to give us lyrics, beat description Naus
NastyNaus: here
djxplicit09: : in case you havent noticed, that link i provided earlier links to vacation by vitamin c
NastyNaus: A little relaxation and I'll be great to be Come on and weeky weeky loo at the It's gonna start now
NastyNaus: Kick it back , kick it back, kick it back to the trackKick it back, kick it back, kick it back to the max
djxplicit09: bottom right
NastyNaus: how convenient
djxplicit09: : all the way to the bottom. as well as soda pop by britney spears
NastyNaushas left the room.
Johnny Whitewater: I see. that's a good qualification to have on a resume for this competition
Johnny Whitewater: I may as well download this and torture my eardrums some more.
djxplicit09: : what happened to nasty naus?
Johnny Whitewater: he's coming back, no homo
NastyNaushas entered the room.
NastyNaus: there we go
djxplicit09: : this is that backstreet boys song in english:
djxplicit09: :
djxplicit09: : its much worse in spanish
Johnny Whitewater: it sounds bad enough in English.
NastyNaus: I have a dark horse candidate
Johnny Whitewater: I almost (ALMOST) want to hear the Spanish gringo version
NastyNaus: Eddie Murphy released a song
Johnny Whitewater: he doesn't qualify under the music profession candidacy requirements
NastyNaus: too bad
NastyNaus: OK
NastyNaus: I'm going to bombard you guys
NastyNaus: Sugar Ray - "Fly"
NastyNaus: Chumbawumba - "Tubthumping"
Johnny Whitewater: TUBTHUMPING. oh god
NastyNaus: Smash Mouth - "Walking on the Sun
Johnny Whitewater: whoa Vacation is particularly obnoxious
Johnny Whitewater: This is the worst chorus ever. good grief
NastyNaus: Pras - "Ghetto Supastar"
Johnny Whitewater: that's rap
NastyNaus: ## Cher - "Believe"
djxplicit09: : and anything with odb is eliminated
Johnny Whitewater: ok, i somehow survived past the minute mark of Vacation. enough was enough.
NastyNaus: Len - "Steal My Sunshine"
Johnny Whitewater: ^ that might be solid.
NastyNaus: I'm out of songs guys
Johnny Whitewater: is there any doubt that beat was made in 2 seconds?
djxplicit09: : i think aaron carter - internet girl is worse...i dont particularly remember the song tho
Johnny Whitewater: we need to find Internet Girl apparently.
djxplicit09: : is that vitamin c song sampling chuck D?
Johnny Whitewater: Imagine the first round matchup between Internet Girl and Thoia Thoing. The two artists aiming for minors square off for supremacy
Johnny Whitewater: I just turned Vacation off, so I'm not sure.
djxplicit09: : thoia thong remix with young buck
NastyNaus: go to and search for aaron carter my internet girl
djxplicit09: : the begginning...theres a black-sounding guy going ''Cmon!"
NastyNaus: they rip off percy and shout "hoody hoo" in this song
Johnny Whitewater: HOODY HOO
Johnny Whitewater: how fucking old was he for this track?
NastyNaus: no clue but this is definitely horrible
Johnny Whitewater: "She's my best kept secret...My Internet Girl"
djxplicit09: : i cant stream shit
Johnny Whitewater: doesn't it sound like Jermaine Dupri in the background?
Johnny Whitewater: ok. this is the worst song I ever heard.
Johnny Whitewater: they're screaming hoody hoo for absolutely no reason.
NastyNaus: ya I agree
Johnny Whitewater: dare I say it...Aaron Carter is perfect Tru thug nigga material
djxplicit09: : lets recap
Johnny Whitewater: I think he could fill Schiavo's roster spot
Johnny Whitewater: This is definitely topping the list.
djxplicit09: : britney spears - "soda pop"
djxplicit09: : bsb - "donde quieras yo ire"
Johnny Whitewater: Soda Pop, My Internet Girl, LaLa, Donde Quieras Yo Ire, Mesmerize, Vacation
djxplicit09: : aaron carter - "internet girl"
djxplicit09: : thats 6
NastyNaus: fine
NastyNaus: I still think LFO should've made it
Johnny Whitewater: maybe next time
Johnny Whitewater: LFO and Len make good honorable mentions though, I'll give you that.
NastyNaus: thanks
Johnny Whitewater: What a great rounding out of the bracket.
NastyNaus: yeah I think we're all set to go
Johnny Whitewater: no doubt
Johnny Whitewater: we may need to do a Free For All 16 track extravaganza
Johnny Whitewater: for 32 tracks in the bracket.
djxplicit09: : something to consider: good artists making bad songs
NastyNaus: thats a good idea
Now that we've rounded out the initial 16, it's time to start thinking about expanding this operation. I believe this bracket will be a seminal study for future generations who dare to embark on an investigation into the world of mindnumbingly bad music.


maybe just post a recap of the bad songs at the end
Much like a scientific experiment, all steps must be meticulously and methodically shown.
It was indeed a long post, but that's because Pop is the most versatile and the most shitty genre in music.

Fly, if you take back your Eva Mendes vs. Eva Longoria comparisons, I promise never to make a post this long again. Deal?
Ya, these discussions are getting more played out than William Hung.
No deal.

are yall gonna do country? cuz that shouldn't really count
God no, if you thought Pop was hard to do, imagine Country.

We might do 4 bad songs done by good artists. And then we'll have other people pick the remaining 12 by request to create a bracket of 32.
comparing country to regular bad music is unfair
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