Saturday, November 27, 2004
Music Review: Eminem - Encore
Before I get into reviewing this album, let me preface it by referring you to Amazon.com's Encore page, specifically Amazon.com's own editorial review.
First and foremost; "If Encore has a clear weakness, it's the bland production--the same plodding sound that he and Dr. Dre cooked up on the previous three albums." Amazon.com put this nicely. Over the next few paragraphs you will not see me put it this nicely, and I have reasons.
And most importantly, though I will strive as a most humble reviewer to review this album to the best of my ability, it should already be pointed out that I could NEVER come up with something as incredibly humorous as this line from Amazon's supposedly serious review: "The exotic flavor of "Ass Like That" catches the ear." Mmm, exotic. Yum. Anyway, let's proceed.
Curtains Up
This intro reminds me of the one on the Em Show. Nothing more needs to be said.
Evil Deeds
I could have certainly done without Marshall singing Mary Had A Little Lamb. And even though almost all rappers double over their rhymes at the end of lines to strengthen them, just what the hell is the point of all of Marshall's rhymes being echoed for 3 seconds before he continues on with things during half this track? I thought Marshall really came lame, and then someone reminded me that this track's counterparts on the Em Show and Marshall LP were White America and Kill You. At that point I almost broke down.
Saddest of all, this beat was produced by Dre. It's not the most incredible thing I ever heard out of Dre, but for a second I was hoping Marshall was onto something, especially ever since I was hit with the almost unbearable news that Marshall produced THIRTEEN tracks on the upcoming Pac album. It was then that I realized I wouldn't be hearing a beat this good for a considerable length of time, unless my temptation to listen to The Infamous becomes too much to resist.
Never Enough
One thing I love about not being a Marshall fan is that I can recognize this type of track for what it is. Marshall must be teasing his fans by deciding to come up with his standard strong rapping ability on a beat that's so unbelievably terrible. And then to really add the bitch slap to the face, Nate Dogg does the hook. Mercifully this track is only like 2 minutes long, but that means you have to endure 50 cent's mumbling for half of it.
Yellow Brick Road
What the hell is that noise in the background? Is that really Marshall crooning like a soprano? Someone please tell me Bizarre drop kicked his nuts. At least this track is almost 6 minutes long, so I'll never need Nyquil again.
Like Toy Soldiers
You'll never confuse Marshall behind the boards with The Alchemist, but this beat isn't half bad. I've seen this track get panned, but it's the best beat I've heard from Marshall on the album.
Marshall says he's going out of his way to avoid beef by trying to be the "bigger man." Actually, this sounds more like Marshall crying uncle after Ja won the diss war against him with just one line about Haylie (yes, reread that last line and it gives you an idea of how far Marshall has fallen). So listen up kiddies, it's ok for Marshall to diss the likes of Moby and Benzino and call people fags, but don't say anything about his family or you're stepping over the line. And yes, Marshall did get his big break through battlerapping.
And funny, I heard nothing about being the bigger man while he disses Jessica Simpson, or while he goes back through his album to erase tasteless Chris Reeve jokes in the wake of Superman's death. Yeah, I can just sense Marshall's sincerity.
Mosh
Marshall put this out just before the election as a sort of anti-Bush, get out the vote type gig. Boring beat and seeing as how he didn't stop Shrub's reelection, this track lost a lot of its potence before the album came out.
Puke
I didn't exactly have the highest of expectations before turning on a track titled Puke. Then I heard Marshall puking and singing like a pussy, to go along with the most annoying hook and beat of all time. This damn track couldn't even meet my expectations. This might honestly be the worst Marshall song of all time, and yes I have listened to Drips. Unfreakingbelievable.
My 1st Single
Hey, Marshall's rapping again, and he doesn't sound bad. I can even tolerate the singing on the chor...*BELCH* *FART* *SHIT*...wait, I guess not.
Paul (Skit)
Another album, another shitty Paul skit. Only one Paul skit ever had the potential to be funny, and that was the one on the Em Show. And the only way that skit could have been funny was if it hadn't been a skit.
Rain Man
When I first downloaded this song (you didn't actually think I'd buy this crap, did you?), I was on the verge of being ecstatic just seeing Produced by Dr. Dre in parentheses. After hearing this track I simply can't accept that as being true.
Remember when Marshall claimed Dr. Dre was locked in the basement? This just had to be the case. That, or one of Gay Dre's "manservants" snuck into the basement studio at some point and concocted this horrific beat.
By now I can truly empathize for any of my friends that are big Marshall fans, and trust me, I have a roomate that I nicknamed Stan, and justifiably so. But look on the bright side: this has to be the greatest album of all time that has an artist farting on at least 3 of the first 12 tracks, right?
Big Weenie
Dre's second Marshall sounding beat in a row. He must have heard portions of the advance and mailed in his performance almost as much as the rapper. I guess the line "There's no denyin that my weenie is much bigger than your's is." was inevitable on this one.
And yet again, Marshall's singing on this track proved that the title of this track was not in fact based on any part of his anatomy.
Another Goddam Retarded Paul Skit
That about covers that.
Just Lose It
No doubt some asshole DJ on a radio station has already bound and gagged your ears and forced this crap down your drums. I know, I'm a college kid who's frequented plenty of bars in the past month. *HA HA HA HA HA* Try getting it out of your head now.
Ass Like That
As you can imagine, after I picked myself off the floor from reading that Amazon.com review line, I listened to this track.
But the thing is that there's nothing exotic about this, be it the beat, the stupid Triumph imitation, and certainly not the title of this track.
Oh, I almost forgot: Reviewing this album makes my pee pee go la doing doing doing!
Spend Some Time
Saturday, November 27, 2004. A date which will live in Infamy (oh how I'm tempted to put that on right now). Today, I marked this date down for posterity as the first and hopefully last time I was happy to hear an Obie Trice verse cut off Marshall's antics on a track.
50 comes on at the end and rhymes words like lips and dick. He's about 20 years, 2 dozen diss tracks and several Jay Z quips away from originality.
Mockingbird
At the beginning of this track, Marshall tells us, "I know some times things may not always make sense to you right now." All I can say to that is no shit.
Some dumb bastard writing a review on the Amazon site wrote that "My granddaughter rocked to "Mockingbird",and she's only nine months old."
Where are the child welfare people when they're really needed? And no, that was not "rocking," that was a seizure. For the love of God, get this child into foster care, immediately.
Crazy In Love
"Jay-Z in the range, crazy and deranged
They can't figure him out, they like hey is he insane (Oh no)
Yes sir I'm cut from a different cloth
My texture is the best fur, Chinchilla."
Sorry. Actually the Beyonce track of the same name is better than this garbage.
One Shot 2 Shot
Before I turned this album on, I thought this track had the pedigree to be the worst track of all time. Marshall behind the boards, D12 on the mic, and a track with a title that makes no sense.
But by the time I got to this track, I was thankful that 3 verses by D12 provided me with 3 respites from hearing more of Marshall's whiny voice and prepubescent singing. So thank you very much Kon, Proof and Bizarre, even if your rapping skills are what I would expect from Stephen Hawking.
Final Thought (Skit)
Can a skit qualify for one of the best tracks on the album? It doesn't have whiny voices, prepubescent singing, or the sounds of assorted bodily functions. I guess that means yes.
Encore
No thank you. I've had more than my share of Marshall, Curtis and Andre by now. At least the end has mercifully arrived.
A lot of people, when they initially heard this album (after it leaked), thought this just couldn't be it. Now that it is, some Marshall dickriders are trying to rationalize that it's just Marshall switching up styles. Well this "switching of styles" reminds me of that black guy who turned himself into Ru Paul. Sometimes, style switches aren't necessary, and they certainly can be a disaster.
Disaster is exactly the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this album. Actually, the first thing that came to my mind was that something happened to Marshall and the bitch from R. Kelly's video laid down a majority of the vocals.
Want to get a sense of just how far the Marshall has fallen? Check out this D12World Forum thread, where one delusional fan calls this one of the best hip hop albums to come out lately. When a guy countered his claim by noting that Masta Killa - No Said Date, Jedi Mind Tricks - Legacy of Blood, and Cormega - Legal Hustle came out lately, the kid's response was "I admit, I don't heard the albums you are talkin about, but I still think it's better than the new albums of fabolous, Ja Rule and Jadakiss."
Now excuse me while I go back to listening to good music.
First and foremost; "If Encore has a clear weakness, it's the bland production--the same plodding sound that he and Dr. Dre cooked up on the previous three albums." Amazon.com put this nicely. Over the next few paragraphs you will not see me put it this nicely, and I have reasons.
And most importantly, though I will strive as a most humble reviewer to review this album to the best of my ability, it should already be pointed out that I could NEVER come up with something as incredibly humorous as this line from Amazon's supposedly serious review: "The exotic flavor of "Ass Like That" catches the ear." Mmm, exotic. Yum. Anyway, let's proceed.
Curtains Up
This intro reminds me of the one on the Em Show. Nothing more needs to be said.
Evil Deeds
I could have certainly done without Marshall singing Mary Had A Little Lamb. And even though almost all rappers double over their rhymes at the end of lines to strengthen them, just what the hell is the point of all of Marshall's rhymes being echoed for 3 seconds before he continues on with things during half this track? I thought Marshall really came lame, and then someone reminded me that this track's counterparts on the Em Show and Marshall LP were White America and Kill You. At that point I almost broke down.
Saddest of all, this beat was produced by Dre. It's not the most incredible thing I ever heard out of Dre, but for a second I was hoping Marshall was onto something, especially ever since I was hit with the almost unbearable news that Marshall produced THIRTEEN tracks on the upcoming Pac album. It was then that I realized I wouldn't be hearing a beat this good for a considerable length of time, unless my temptation to listen to The Infamous becomes too much to resist.
Never Enough
One thing I love about not being a Marshall fan is that I can recognize this type of track for what it is. Marshall must be teasing his fans by deciding to come up with his standard strong rapping ability on a beat that's so unbelievably terrible. And then to really add the bitch slap to the face, Nate Dogg does the hook. Mercifully this track is only like 2 minutes long, but that means you have to endure 50 cent's mumbling for half of it.
Yellow Brick Road
What the hell is that noise in the background? Is that really Marshall crooning like a soprano? Someone please tell me Bizarre drop kicked his nuts. At least this track is almost 6 minutes long, so I'll never need Nyquil again.
Like Toy Soldiers
You'll never confuse Marshall behind the boards with The Alchemist, but this beat isn't half bad. I've seen this track get panned, but it's the best beat I've heard from Marshall on the album.
Marshall says he's going out of his way to avoid beef by trying to be the "bigger man." Actually, this sounds more like Marshall crying uncle after Ja won the diss war against him with just one line about Haylie (yes, reread that last line and it gives you an idea of how far Marshall has fallen). So listen up kiddies, it's ok for Marshall to diss the likes of Moby and Benzino and call people fags, but don't say anything about his family or you're stepping over the line. And yes, Marshall did get his big break through battlerapping.
And funny, I heard nothing about being the bigger man while he disses Jessica Simpson, or while he goes back through his album to erase tasteless Chris Reeve jokes in the wake of Superman's death. Yeah, I can just sense Marshall's sincerity.
Mosh
Marshall put this out just before the election as a sort of anti-Bush, get out the vote type gig. Boring beat and seeing as how he didn't stop Shrub's reelection, this track lost a lot of its potence before the album came out.
Puke
I didn't exactly have the highest of expectations before turning on a track titled Puke. Then I heard Marshall puking and singing like a pussy, to go along with the most annoying hook and beat of all time. This damn track couldn't even meet my expectations. This might honestly be the worst Marshall song of all time, and yes I have listened to Drips. Unfreakingbelievable.
My 1st Single
Hey, Marshall's rapping again, and he doesn't sound bad. I can even tolerate the singing on the chor...*BELCH* *FART* *SHIT*...wait, I guess not.
Paul (Skit)
Another album, another shitty Paul skit. Only one Paul skit ever had the potential to be funny, and that was the one on the Em Show. And the only way that skit could have been funny was if it hadn't been a skit.
Rain Man
When I first downloaded this song (you didn't actually think I'd buy this crap, did you?), I was on the verge of being ecstatic just seeing Produced by Dr. Dre in parentheses. After hearing this track I simply can't accept that as being true.
Remember when Marshall claimed Dr. Dre was locked in the basement? This just had to be the case. That, or one of Gay Dre's "manservants" snuck into the basement studio at some point and concocted this horrific beat.
By now I can truly empathize for any of my friends that are big Marshall fans, and trust me, I have a roomate that I nicknamed Stan, and justifiably so. But look on the bright side: this has to be the greatest album of all time that has an artist farting on at least 3 of the first 12 tracks, right?
Big Weenie
Dre's second Marshall sounding beat in a row. He must have heard portions of the advance and mailed in his performance almost as much as the rapper. I guess the line "There's no denyin that my weenie is much bigger than your's is." was inevitable on this one.
And yet again, Marshall's singing on this track proved that the title of this track was not in fact based on any part of his anatomy.
Another Goddam Retarded Paul Skit
That about covers that.
Just Lose It
No doubt some asshole DJ on a radio station has already bound and gagged your ears and forced this crap down your drums. I know, I'm a college kid who's frequented plenty of bars in the past month. *HA HA HA HA HA* Try getting it out of your head now.
Ass Like That
As you can imagine, after I picked myself off the floor from reading that Amazon.com review line, I listened to this track.
But the thing is that there's nothing exotic about this, be it the beat, the stupid Triumph imitation, and certainly not the title of this track.
Oh, I almost forgot: Reviewing this album makes my pee pee go la doing doing doing!
Spend Some Time
Saturday, November 27, 2004. A date which will live in Infamy (oh how I'm tempted to put that on right now). Today, I marked this date down for posterity as the first and hopefully last time I was happy to hear an Obie Trice verse cut off Marshall's antics on a track.
50 comes on at the end and rhymes words like lips and dick. He's about 20 years, 2 dozen diss tracks and several Jay Z quips away from originality.
Mockingbird
At the beginning of this track, Marshall tells us, "I know some times things may not always make sense to you right now." All I can say to that is no shit.
Some dumb bastard writing a review on the Amazon site wrote that "My granddaughter rocked to "Mockingbird",and she's only nine months old."
Where are the child welfare people when they're really needed? And no, that was not "rocking," that was a seizure. For the love of God, get this child into foster care, immediately.
Crazy In Love
"Jay-Z in the range, crazy and deranged
They can't figure him out, they like hey is he insane (Oh no)
Yes sir I'm cut from a different cloth
My texture is the best fur, Chinchilla."
Sorry. Actually the Beyonce track of the same name is better than this garbage.
One Shot 2 Shot
Before I turned this album on, I thought this track had the pedigree to be the worst track of all time. Marshall behind the boards, D12 on the mic, and a track with a title that makes no sense.
But by the time I got to this track, I was thankful that 3 verses by D12 provided me with 3 respites from hearing more of Marshall's whiny voice and prepubescent singing. So thank you very much Kon, Proof and Bizarre, even if your rapping skills are what I would expect from Stephen Hawking.
Final Thought (Skit)
Can a skit qualify for one of the best tracks on the album? It doesn't have whiny voices, prepubescent singing, or the sounds of assorted bodily functions. I guess that means yes.
Encore
No thank you. I've had more than my share of Marshall, Curtis and Andre by now. At least the end has mercifully arrived.
A lot of people, when they initially heard this album (after it leaked), thought this just couldn't be it. Now that it is, some Marshall dickriders are trying to rationalize that it's just Marshall switching up styles. Well this "switching of styles" reminds me of that black guy who turned himself into Ru Paul. Sometimes, style switches aren't necessary, and they certainly can be a disaster.
Disaster is exactly the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this album. Actually, the first thing that came to my mind was that something happened to Marshall and the bitch from R. Kelly's video laid down a majority of the vocals.
Want to get a sense of just how far the Marshall has fallen? Check out this D12World Forum thread, where one delusional fan calls this one of the best hip hop albums to come out lately. When a guy countered his claim by noting that Masta Killa - No Said Date, Jedi Mind Tricks - Legacy of Blood, and Cormega - Legal Hustle came out lately, the kid's response was "I admit, I don't heard the albums you are talkin about, but I still think it's better than the new albums of fabolous, Ja Rule and Jadakiss."
Now excuse me while I go back to listening to good music.
# posted by Jay Dub @ 1:20 PM 
