Bloggystyle -- The Greatest: March 2005

Thursday, March 31, 2005

 

Exclusive: Tragedy Hits The Hip Hop World


The immaculate Tupac Shakur once intimated that "the shit don't stop," and in the rap world, his words have tragically range true once again. Released from the hospice by the exceedingly benign No Limit Records just hours ago, Terri Schiavo ironically met her untimely demise on the mean streets of New Orleans while she was rolling toward a scheduled No Limit Concert at Club 878.

Rap correspondent Johnny Whitewater filled out this report for us.
Like Backcourt 2000 or the NWA Reunion Game's been hoping for, some things just aren't meant to be. At least that's the only consolation the rap community can offer itself after losing the talented Terri Schiavo to senseless violence before she could make her mark on the Dirty South scene.

Exact details are scarce, but I've interviewed a number of eyewitnesses who tell a compelling story of Ms. Schiavo's final moments. Schiavo, a novice on the New Orleans scene, unwittingly rolled into the dangerous eastside of New Orleans, and this was no Bourbon Street. On her way to a scheduled No Limit concert at Club 878, which spells TRU on a phone pad, Ms. Schiavo was completely unaware that the wheels on her chair were sporting the wrong colors. Hoping to raise funds to finance Corey "C-Murder" Miller's appeal against his murder charges, Schiavo herself became a victim.


Reppin that smile and sunshine shit in her native Tampa wasn't no thing, but Schiavo had mistakenly entered the turf of a very violent gang. While the colors of this gang are not completely known, I am able to reproduce a picture of their coat of arms.


The crime scene is understandably being sealed off by the police, but I was able to take a few photographs of the crime scene before the New Orleans Metro Police Department showed up. Warning: these are very graphic scenes, not suitable for children.




From what we can gather, Master P and the rest of No Limit have been taken in for questioning. While they are clearly not suspects in the investigation, one unfortunate fact that will unquestionably come out of the process is that the No Limit Tank, so instrumental in saving Ms. Schiavo at the hospice in Pinellas Park, was not wheelchair accessible, relegating Ms. Schiavo to her ill fated stroll through the seedy underbelly of New Orleans society.

Johnny Whitewater, reporting from New Orleans.
Although the specifics aren't 100% clear, there has already been an outpouring of grief in the rap community, with much of the hip hop world's luminaries reacting.



Mase: This is a terrible tragedy for rap, music and the United States of America as a whole. But through the grace of Our Lord & Savior, Jesus H. Christ, Ms. Schiavo's salvation, the killer's salvation, and our salvation shall ultimately be attained, God Willing. May the Lord bless Ms. Schiavo, and may the Lord bless all of us, except for you, Cam'ron Giles, fuck you asshole!



50 Cent: Aite, I won't front. It ain't no big secret me and the bitch had beef. But that don't mean me or my Gorilla Unit made her a greasestain on a New Orleans block, even if it's possible that one of those shells in my body came hot straight from her spitting gat. All that can be said now is I'm breathin and she ain't.



Lil Scrappy: "My brain...is takin in too much pain."



Chino X L: Well I guess it's just one more hip hop casualty. Now Ms. Schiavo can join Big Pun in the netherworld. But the struggle continues. I can see it now. Pun's probably up there making a move for her feeding tube.



Fat Joe: I am going to fuck Chino X L up. You're a dead motherfucka now!



Lil Flip: I guess someone could say it's "Game Over" for Ms. Schiavo. HAH! See, I'm clever! I am! Fuck T.I.



Houston: I feel like Schiavo and I had a lot in common, nah'mean? God puts major obstacles in our way on the path to stardom and success, including disabilities. But Schiavo overcame her's, and I will see to it (somewhat) that those of us with disabilities will reach the mountain. And Chino X L, you better stop calling me "Cyclops" on those mixtapes or I'm gonna send Bushwhick Bill after your ass.



Skee Lo: I feel like I already knew her. She and I faced the same struggles in life. "I wish I was a lil bit taller..."



Snoop: Is it already that time of year again? Ok, ok. Rest in peace Pac, Big, Eaze...You gon hit this or what?



The Game: Huh? Someone in hip hop died? Holy shit. Aiyo Dre, lace the track, I got new writing material again!

As you can see, this woman's loss is going to be deeply felt for a long time.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

 

Tasteless Joke Of The Day: Current Events Edition


Why don't Indonesians bathe indoors?

Because they like to wash up on shore.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

 

Nutcase Sightings Throughout Florida


Turns out Terri Schiavo is one of the least retarded individuals around that hospice.
Katherine Ewing has found herself a spot about 100 yards from the center.

She stands alone, well out of the spotlight, well away from all that certainty. She stands without signs, quietly reading the Bible. "Michael (Schiavo) thinks he's doing the right thing. The Schindlers (Terri Schiavos' parents) think they're doing the right thing," she says. "When you hear both sides, deciding on what the truth is is terribly difficult."

"I want to be in the truth," she says. "I feel the only way I can do that is through the Lord's word. He told me to just come here and read the word."

Ewing, 48, works with a youth mission ministry in Tyler, Texas. She and her friend Lisa Trenary, 35, drove 22 hours to get here Saturday. They're living in a two-person tent set up on the grass in front of the hospice. They use a portable toilet across the street and eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
They've got a real motley crew, besides the Bible thumping pharisees.
Nearby, a man plays bagpipes. Another taunts police officers who are guarding the hospice entrance by goose-stepping in front of them and occasionally stopping to give them a Nazi-like salute.
I think I figured out who that last hooligan was:

Randall Terry, a protest organizer and a spokesman for the Schindler family, says most of the protesters are here because of "love of God and love of their neighbor."

"Most of them have a high regard for the value of human life and how life has value in the eyes of God," he says.

Janet Spear, 53, who drove 13 hours from Birmingham, Ala., where she is between jobs, is one of them. "I was praying back in Birmingham," she says, "but I felt like I needed to be here."

She has been here since Wednesday, walking the sidewalks and beating slowly on a bodhran, an Irish hand drum, to symbolize Schiavo's heartbeat.
Finally we end with more of Ms. Ewing.
"We've just got to cling to God," she says. "He has all wisdom. And he is able to do what is right for everyone involved."

From time to time, Ewing says, someone comes up and asks why she isn't at the other end of the protest area, closer to the news cameras.

"They'll come up and say, 'No one is looking at you. Why are you doing this way over here?' " Ewing says. "I say, 'God is looking. God hears me.' "
Behold the wonders of the religious right!

 

The Rotten Deadpool


For those of us who make sites and entries as despicable as those debuted by Nasty Naus, there's only one game in town for us.

The Rotten.com Deadpool. It's a game so simple even Terri Schiavo can play. Put simply, you pick 10 people out of a database of many who you think will die in the next 12 months.

Of course, Rotten.com understands its audience, so it does provide some important ground rules.
I. THOU SHALT NOT KILL:

Murdering a member of your list (otherwise known as market manipulation) is not allowed. Players may not cause or otherwise participate in the death of any celebrities. If you cause death to a celebrity on your list, you will be suspended for one (1) year of play. If you cause death to a celebrity on another person's list with the intent to manipulate scores, you will also be suspended for one year. If you attempt to use weapons of mass destruction to kill large numbers of people, some of whom are likely to be celebrities, you will be suspended for one year.

II. CONDEMNED CRIMINALS NEED NOT APPLY

No credit shall be given for prisoners already incarcerated with a potential death sentence pending or already sentenced to death, if they are lawfully executed. However, full credit shall be given if that prisoner commits suicide, is murdered, or dies of natural causes. If a prisoner is executed lawfully for a crime that was committed after entry into the dead pool, then full credit shall be given.

V. THOU SHALT NOT KILL OTHER PLAYERS

Murdering another player shall result in lifetime expulsion from all games.

IX. DEAD IS DEAD

It doesn't count if the celeb "dies" on the operating table, only to be revived. Death is defined as the permanent, irreversible condition of croakitude. Transient deathlike states need not apply. [Cryogenic suspension notwithstanding.]

XI. INSIDER TRADING

Making choices based on insider knowledge is LEGAL in this game. If you know something, use it to your advantage. Celebrities with known terminal illnesses, fatwas hanging over their heads, Mafia contracts, etc. are allowed.
I fancy myself (Major No Homo) as an individual who keeps abreast of current events and thus someone who could be pretty good at this game. The first time I played, last year, I only picked people who I was rooting for to die or such obvious choices, like His Holiness, J motherfuckin Paul the Second.

I only got 3 right, but they were doozies.

Ronald Reagan: Ok, I can't be proud of that one.

Marge Schott: Fuck yeah. I came across her name by chance and picked it for the fuck of it. And then the bitch croaked. In a game that tens of thousands play, I was one of about 3 dozen to get that one right.

Yasser Arafat: One of the ones I was openly rooting for, the bastard finally did some of us a nice favor by adding a point to our deathpool scores.

Sadly, my run ended with 3 out of 10. The best players so far have gotten 7 of 10 right, with smart picks like Rodney Dangerfield, Johnny Carson, Fay Wray and assorted ancient bags that are practically fossilized artifacts with lungs.

Best of all, you get to play again after 12 months. "Just when I try to get out, they pull me back in." So I went ahead and filled out 10 in February and had my picks locked in, before Ms. Schiavo's case made headlines and thus promised a point to anyone who joins now.

Fidel Castro: This pick's a combination of sensibility and style. Here's hopin Fidel goes out with a bang, literally or figuratively.

Eddie Albert: This dude played Oliver on Green Acres. In otherwords, the old bag on the show that wrapped about 50 years ago. This guy is so old he makes Mother Theresa of 1997 look virile.

Gordon Hinckley: This guy's the head of the Mormon Church. I picked him because he's 95, but I guess there's always a chance that one of his many kids by one of his many wives might try to usurp his throne with a coup d'etat.

Albert Hofmann: This dude is going on his 99th year. He also discovered LSD, which leads me to suspect that he used it and tried it. That's gotta be detrimental in some capacity, right?

Evel Knievel: A style pick. I'm going out on a limb because the Evel one is not even 70.

Jerry Lewis: Nobody needs any reminding of who this fool is. He's nearing the big 8-0 though, and seeing as how I have no use for him, die away.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts: After taking all of his lumps, The Snake went on a drug binge, apparently including crack cocaine. The Snake already has one attempted suicide under his belt. Here's to relapse.

Lady Bird Johnson: Former first lady under 17th President Andrew Johnson. I'm just barely kidding. Lady Bird's been taking flight for almost 90 freakin years. It's time for permanent grounding.

Pope John Paul II: Over at Byron Crawford.com I made the immaculate choice of November 22 as the departure date of The Ponstiff. This old man has been vexing Deadpool veterans for almost 2 years as he clings tenuously to his pimpmobile and his now famous "window." But November 22nd has set such a strong precedent for the departure date of notorious Catholics. Time to bolster that reputation even moreso.

Queen Elizabeth II: And for my final pick, Her Highness. Come on, isn't it time for "King Charles?" Actually, the more I think about it, I'm not sure I want the answer to that question.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

 

Breaking News Down in the Dirty South


All Hope May Not Be Lost: I've received an alleged rumor from trustworthy sources that No Limit CEO Percy "Master P" Miller is making one last ditch attempt to save the life of Theresa "Terri" Schiavo by signing her to No Limit Records.


Reportedly hours away from death, Master P apparently attempted to be Schiavo's saving grace, rolling the No Limit tank through the hospice doors. Nobody is quite sure how Master P crafted a plan so intricate, but this reporter believes it may have been the fruit of years of planning C-Murder's breakout from the penitentiary.

Mr. Miller would not comment to reporters on the topic, but No Limit recently released a statement to the press.
"Ms. Schiavo brings 15 years of seasoned veteran experience when it comes to sayin UNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!. The family at No Limit Records is positive that Ms. Schiavo has what it takes to be a Tru thug nigga. If we combine our God-given abilities, No Limit and Ms. Schiavo will bring a whole new meaning to the name Bone Thugs N Harmony."
But this may not be the only reason behind P's actions. Basketball critics who have made a living berating Master P's balling abilities are questioning Mr. Miller's true motives. As basketball guru Johnny Whitewater related to me, given the competitive level of the National Basketball Association, coupled with the resurgence of European ball, Ms. Schiavo is but one of a dwindling supply of individuals left on this planet whom Master P can consistently beat one-on-one. When doggedly questioned, Master P finally cracked.
"Now that Lil Romeo has grown so tall, I have struggled to neutralize his advantages in the post. But Ms. Schiavo has reinstilled me with necessary confidence in my abilities when it comes to the first step, the dribble drive, and the penetration. 5 years ago, Paul Silas said I didn't have the goods. Now look where that Fat Bastard is. You and the rest of the Tru Thugs will soon hear me yellin 'HOODY HOO' on the hardwood."
Restored confidence aside, this individual believes Master P has a rockier road ahead of him than he's willing to admit.


P. Miller with a more unsightly dribble than the one on Terri's bib.


 

Cleveland: Where Usher Found His "Boo"


It was looking dreary in Cleveland this past summer. Ok, it always looks dreary in Cleveland, but it was looking even more dreary than ever (if that's possible) when Carlos Boozer decided to have it "My Way." Boozer broke his verbal promise to resign with Cleveland, instead bolting to Utah for the bigger money. Owner Gordon Gund never even saw it coming.

Gordon Gund was determined to get the last word in. Writing Braille-ing a response to the city of Cleveland, Gund all but wondered aloud why Boozer backstabbed him when he could have just as easily stabbed the blind man in the heart. Spiteful Cavs fans created CarlosLoozer.com. Not even the acquisition of Drew Gooden could temper the fury. All Cavs fans could do was "Let It Burn." ESPN Insider Chad Ford lamented the situation, telling Cleveland "U Got It Bad."

Then the season started, and LeBron "King" James was so incredible that he was earning recognition and nicknames left and right. Cleveland's presence was felt in the roaring throughout the Gund Arena. If seeing was truly believing, Gordon Gund was the only Doubting Thomas left in Ohio. Even Drew Gooden was fitting in to the tune of 14 points and almost 10 rebounds per game. When Boozer attempted to mend fences with his former teammates, LeBron told him "U Don't Have 2 Call."



Then, in mid December, Gordon Gund decided to sell the Cavaliers, explaining that he felt like the guy in the Ford commercials stricken with "adrenalitis," a lack of being able to get excited. Coach Silas was taken aback. "We're all very surprised to hear the news. Any change in the organization will be difficult at first," coach Paul Silas said. "But I'm sure the new owners will come in and evaluate everything before putting their stamp on it."

With the search for investors ongoing, Usher had to determine whether or not he wanted to be part of that fine Cavaliers tradition. The answer was a defiant "Yeah." Not to be upstaged by Shawn Carter or Nelly, Usher energetically got involved.
"I am excited about becoming part of this ownership group and this team. I will be actively involved with the Cavaliers on many levels, including the game experience and our role in the community. I plan to spend a lot of time with the Cavaliers and look for Cleveland to be my second home town. I know all the partners in the ownership group feel the same way."
The transition was seamless entering the new year. Cleveland was 10 games over .500 and led the Central division. You woulda thought 112 bought the Cavs because everything was "Peaches N Cream."

Through February, the Cavs were still on top of things, no homo. LeBron wowed the crowd throughout All Star Weekend, and Frankenstein Zydrunas Ilgauskas joined the kid on the East All Star Team. All of Cleveland was "Caught Up" with the hype, including the players themselves (and yes, I had to look that song title up. I swear.).

Then, in true Carlito's Way fashion, it was "here comes the pain." It all started innocently enough with the Indiana Pacers (the first time Indiana Pacers and innocent were in the same sentence in a LONG time). A victim of the schedule, Cleveland dropped a dud in Indiana. But then came 5 more losses in a row. Suddenly, the Cavaliers, Usher's new "Boo," were looking a lot less like Alicia Keys and a lot more like this:


Maybe Gund's not the only blind guy going to Cavs games after all...


But Usher wasn't deterred. Far from it in fact. Usher was so determined to display the faith in his team to Cleveland fans that he put his sexuality up for serious argument to cheer them on.
The Grammy-winning R&B artist, who is part-owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, has unveiled a symbol from his floor seats that he calls the "Double C." During the team's game Sunday, Usher crossed his arms over his head and curled his hands to form letter C's. Fans made the symbol as the Cavaliers downed the Indiana Pacers 98-86.

"This is my way of showing my gay Cleveland Cavaliers' pride," he said in an e-mail to The (Cleveland) Plain Dealer.
But the "Truth Hurts" (and yes goddammit, I looked this one up too), and happy faces aside, the Cavaliers' slide continued. After 3 straight victories seemed to show a turning tide, the Cavaliers promptly lost 5 of their next 6, and the Cavs simply weren't doing the "Simple Things" (do you even have to ask?) necessary for victory. Suddenly Usher was but one of 20,000 Cleveland fans in the Gund Arena finding their "boos" during a terrible home loss to Philadelphia.

Enough was enough. With Paul Silas all but saying "Do It To Me," (no homo) Cleveland's new owners found an axe, albeit a necessarily large one, and last Monday they axed Silas, no homo (just in case). With things getting worse by the day, and even a playoff possibility in doubt, Usher was growing steadily disillusioned. At the last home game, fans sitting courtside could hear Usher singing some strange variation between his smash "You Make Me Wanna" and the Marshall track "Puke." Rumor had it that after he rebuffed Master P's offer to join the club and instill that winning spirit, Usher himself considered suiting up.


"I'll Make It Right" (only 2 more song titles; I promise)


How will it all end? After tonight's 31 point loss to Dirk and company, the Cavs are only 5 losses ahead of 9th place New Jersey. Will Cleveland "Remind Me" of a playoff team anytime soon, or is it possible Usher will be singing his "Final Goodbye" to LeBron for the season in 14 games? Only time will tell.


Saturday, March 26, 2005

 

Morris's Jacko Freestyle


This one's dedicated to Jacko. Keep your head up boy.



The aim is to cleanse this planet of all needless fruits.
My words leave foes feelin woozy like "Jesus Juice."
You know Mo leaves his opponents permanently resting.
I won't take no shit, like a victim of Jacko's molesting.
I've embarassed cats so many times for so many whack rhymes.
Now I get death threats like a witness to Jacko's crimes.
In a straight up competition I'll always be the better man.
My lyrics will leave you feeling like you stayed at Neverland.

 

Tasteless Rhyme Of The Day


Who better than myself, the aptly named Nasty Naus, to introduce the (potentially) new feature, "Tasteless Rhyme Of The Day". I've got a 'gut' feeling you'll like it. Don't laugh too hard though, we don't want your feeding tubes to fall out...

Don't even try to front by pretending you be hard.
Peeps nicknamed me Congress for killing retards.

All credit is due to the illustrious Morris and his always expansive book of rhymes. Call me crazy, but I have a feeling his abilities will leave many people staring at their screens like so.



 

Lute Olsen = Hyman Roth


Care to argue?





The comparisons are even more poignant now. The Wildcats choked so badly they may have joined Lute's wife in the hereafter. PJ Carlisemo winced and Mama Cass was in disbelief.

If I were Lute following that performance, I'd be a bit concerned upon entering the airport, if you know what I mean.

 

Tom O'Neill Owes Me Some J Roget!


Who is Tom O'Neill? Tom O'Neill is the fucktard blind son of a bitch who made the worst traveling call I have ever seen in my goddam life.
The whistle blew in the final seconds just as the ball left the hand of Villanova's Allan Ray. Defender Melvin Scott only hoped his foul came before the basket.

Much to Scott's surprise -- not to mention Ray and his teammates and coaches -- referee Tom O'Neill instead called traveling, leaving North Carolina with possession of the ball and a three-point lead.
Villanova takes on mighty UNC without Fort Sumpter, only their #2 scorer and #1 rebounder. To top that, their top scorer, Allan Ray, connected on about as many shots as the dude in Bret's Apartment who came storming out of the chmode firing at Jules and Vince. And despite all of that, it still took a fucking official to screw Villanova out of a tie in the final seconds! After 39 minutes of intense basketball, that ending was so despicable that the crowd threw shit onto the courts and booed profusely for 5 minutes straight.

One of the only reasons I watch college basketball is because it's not officiated by Joey Crawford or Dick Bavetta or Steve Javie or Marc Davis. And then a stupid prick like Tom O'Neill comes along. That asshole busted my bracket, and he should definitely be investigated by Ralph Nader for being on the take. At the very least he should be fined, fired, thrown in jail, raped, beaten, etc.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

 

UWM Goes Down To Head And Company


It was a game effort, but in the end it was too much Head as Illinois rolled past 12 seeded UWM with a double digit victory.

At first, Panther forward Joah Tucker carried the Panthers to keep it close. It didn't matter what the Illini threw at him. Deron Williams had his chance and couldn't hang with him. Neither could Dee Brown. Finally, the Illini tried to put pressure on Tucker with excitable Head, but not even Head distracted him. It was 39-32 Illini at the half, and Tucker had 19 points.

The Illini stormed out of the gates with Daron Williams running the show. Williams controlled the pace, found Head at critical times and the rout was on. With Head pressuring Tucker and McCants into mistakes, Illinois began to pull away. Brown hit everything, Augustine cleaned the glass, Powell was big and Head put his mushroom stamp on matters all over the court.

Unlike Lorena Bobbitt, the Panthers just couldn't cut it. Illinois 77-63.


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

 

10 Things You'll Never See In The NBA


While I was on the topic of AI and whining, it got me to wondering what are the least likely things we'll ever see in the NBA. Mr. Iverson was fined 10,000 yesterday, the equivalent of Big Pun shedding 10 pounds. But a more interesting note is that Kenny Bloggins and Marc Davis are connected by only 2 degrees of separation, which I guess makes me connected by 3 degrees. I'm still fighting the urge to self-immolate.

Anyway, on with the list.

#10



Sam Cassell with his mouth shut.


#9



Tracy McGrady with his eyes wide open. Lay off the cheeba for once!


#8



Mateen Cleaves in a game.


#7



Somebody getting more Ts than Sheed in a season where Sheed plays half the games.

In fact, Sheed came through in the clutch last night to retake the T lead on the season.

#6



Quentin Richardson attempting a shot within 23 feet.


#5



David Harrison getting more time on the court than on the Real World.


#4



STEVE JACKSON connecting on more shots on the court than off of it.


#3



This team going an entire season without an indictment.


#2



Seeing Phil coach. We've never seen it before, and we probably never will.


#1



Speaks for itself.


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

 

Marc Davis Is An Asshole


Well, we have a respite from NCAA basketball for a few more days. And unless Milwaukee pulls the major upset or Fort Sumpter pulls a Willis Reed on Friday, my interest in the tournament has already peaked.

Thankfully, Emperor Palpatine David Stern's National Basketball Association always finds a way to keep itself relevant just when the spotlight begins to shine brightest on another sport or league.



And this is the latest spat in the NBA. On its surface, the sight of Allen Iverson crying or whining is hardly a novelty. However, rumor has it that the referee, Marc Davis, threatened to kick AI's ass.
Iverson, upset about calls, challenged referee Marc Davis after the 94-88 loss on Saturday, and said Davis responded by saying he would "whup my ass."

Iverson had to be restrained by teammates, and a few minutes later was seen heading in the direction of the referees' dressing room before general manager Billy King interceded and calmed him down.
AI's gully factor aside, I'm sure there was some posse behind him. As the immortal Eric Wright would say, AI's only 165 "when he's wet and wearin boots." Marc Davis may be more Clark Kent than Superman, but AI's Lil Scrappy factor probably wouldn't be enough.

Regardless, Iverson seems to be taking it all in stride.
Iverson said Davis' response surprised him, but he didn't think the referee would be unfair down the road to him or the team.

"Regardless of what he said, I don't think he'd do anything in the future as far as making calls against me," Iverson said. "I think he respects the game more than that."
Well Allen, I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. It all started in 2000-2001, when the Milwaukee Bucks became Marc Davis's sworn enemy. See, being a Bucks fan isn't totally useless. Here's a simplistic AP recap of the Bucks' first run in with Marc Davis.
Abdur-Rahim made a layup with 48 seconds left and Milwaukee center Scott Williams, who was not on the court, was called for a technical foul while on the bench. Abdur-Rahim converted the ensuing free throw to tie it.

Williams was upset with the officiating, especially referee Mike Callahan.

"He should issue an apology to me for being damning to my team and damning to my career," Williams said. "The officiating was horrible and I'll take the fine."
Here's what actually happened :
Reeves passed to Mike Bibby, who was on the perimeter. At that point, Grizzlies guard Damon Jones called a timeout. Davis acknowledged the timeout and, according to those near or on the court, blew his whistle to stop play.

But play did not stop in the loud building. Bibby shot and missed, Abdur-Rahim grabbed the offensive rebound and scored to get the Grizzlies within a point.
But Marc Davis's antics didn't stop there.
The Bucks' bench went ballistic, claiming that time had been called before Abdur-Rahim scored. Davis issued a technical foul to Williams, who was not in the game.

"He blew the whistle," an upset Williams said later. "I was just saying, 'You blew the whistle. Why not call a timeout?' Then he gives me a technical foul for that in the last minute of the game.

"If he had any guts, he should issue an apology to me. It was damaging to the team, damaging to my career. That's ridiculous. The officiating was horrible. I'll take the fine."

Said Bucks coach George Karl, who was ejected after getting two technical fouls in Portland: "It was a rookie call, a tough call against us. He blew his whistle. I was right next to him, so I heard the whistle. He said he didn't blow the whistle. The whistle blew. I don't know if we stopped playing or what, but the offensive rebound was a big play.

"To call a technical foul on that, I don't even know if that was a CBA call. He blew a call and then he calls a technical that has an impact on the basketball game. Wow."
Scott Williams's crazy soliloquy aside (and that play officially meant Williams scored more points for the opposition than for us that season), Marc Davis has been fucking the Bucks ever since, especially in the Karl days.
Milwaukee was assessed four technical fouls in the fourth quarter and played the final 2:12 without coach George Karl, who was ejected by referee Marc Davis for arguing calls.

"I'm not criticizing the referees, other than saying it was a poorly officiated game," Karl said. "They took away three fast breaks from us in a row. I've never even had that happen to me in the CBA.

"Still, we've got to learn how to win a poorly officiated game."

Anthony Mason was hit with a technical by Davis, and Tim Thomas flopped to the ground in disbelief after getting his fifth foul with 2:52 left.

Karl got tossed, and Cassell received a technical in the final minute. Thomas, who scored 19 points, then fouled out and drew a technical foul and an ejection by Davis.

"I don't have anything to say, except those three guys (referees Davis, Joe Forte and Scott Foster) stink," Thomas said.
Davis was talking to players that game too.
"I got my technical saying, 'Everybody in the gym knows what the hell you're doing. Tell me why,' " Karl said. "You can print that. I'd like to know why the hell I got a technical for that. Because I heard more swear words coming out of Marc Davis' mouth in the game than out of my mouth. And last time I checked, referees weren't supposed to cuss at my players."
Marc Davis and George Karl had even more fun later that season, even in a Bucks victory.
Bucks coach George Karl complained about the officiating of Marc Davis, and late in the first quarter, Karl yelled, "Blow the whistle!" And Davis complied, giving Karl a technical.

Earlier, Karl fumed about two quick calls from Davis on Mark Pope, whom Karl had to take out. "That's a terrible call," Karl hollered. "Their guy does all the pushing and you call it on us? That's our best defender and best rebounder!"
In case you think the Marc Davis antics were restricted to Karl or 2001, the son of a bitch has been at it again this season.
The Milwaukee Bucks have filed a protest with the National Basketball Association over the two technical fouls called against forward Desmond Mason in the third quarter against Philadelphia Saturday at the Bradley Center.

Mason was ejected by referee Marc Davis during a timeout with 2 minutes 57 seconds left in the third quarter. Philadelphia led at the time, 69-63, and went on to win, 116-97.

hiladelphia guard Allen Iverson, who scored 54 points that night, had just made a jump shot and the Bucks took a timeout. Mason, who is a team captain and was guarding Iverson at the time, remained on the floor to tell Davis that he thought Iverson had pushed off on the shot and suggested that Davis make that call.

“I walked up to the referee and just asked him about a push-off (non-)call,” Mason said. “It was pretty much simple dialog. The first ‘tech’ was kind of unexpected so I asked him why he gave me the first ‘tech’ and he said I could walk away from him now. But I continued to say, ‘Why did you give me the “tech”?’ And then he ‘tech-ed’ me again and told me to go to the locker room. That was pretty much it.”

Mason said he didn’t curse or raise his voice to Davis. And, it certainly did not appear to be a heated exchange.
You'd think a guy like this would be barred from officiating a certain team's games. But as Allen Iverson is about to find out, The Man's league doesn't work like that.


Monday, March 21, 2005

 

Fort Sumpter Surrenders


As we reach the 150th anniversary of the capitulation of Fort Sumter, it seemed only fitting to receive this horrible news that may have ended Villanova's inevitable championship run.
Villanova forward Curtis Sumpter will miss the rest of the NCAA Tournament after a MRI exam Monday revealed he has a torn ligament in his left knee.

Sumpter was hurt in Villanova's second-round win over Florida on Sunday, leaving the game after 12 minutes after scoring eight points and twice tumbling to the court and clutching his left knee. Sumpter, the team's second-leading scorer (15.3 points) and leading rebounder (7.2 rebounds) didn't play again, instead cheering his teammates on from the bench.
Sean May is thanking his lucky stars that he doesn't have to face the Beast from the Big East.

And with this news, I can all but kiss that Roget goodbye, no homo, unless the other 11 Wildcats (who I can't name) decide to hold Fort Sumpter down. No homo again.


Sunday, March 20, 2005

 

Quest For The J Roget: Day 4


It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

First the good. Villanova shellacked Florida almost from the get go. After being surprised that Nova dispatched New Mexico, Fly called them lucky that the Lobos weren't on their game, despite the fact that Villanova shot 28% from the field. Well, that shooting won't be duplicated again. Despite the fact that Charles "Fort" Sumpter fell within minutes, Nova persevered and handled the surging Gators with a cool, calm and collected effort. Next up is North Carolina.

2 hours after Villanova dropped yet another bomb on some unsuspecting competition, Georgia Tech made the French proud with a complete and utter laydown in the presence of the mighty Conference USA Champion (oxymoron of all oxymorons), Louisville.

I picked Tech to make the title game and lose to Villanova. And despite the huge difference between the names of the school, I was still almost tempted to pick them to win it all. Hell, Tech put out an incredible lineup featuring Stephon Marbury Jackoff, Slick Willy Bynum and Blow. Job. Elder, and even that crazy looking Aussie who has to be extremely effective in scaring people out of the middle. How did this team lose to Fransisco Garcia by 20+ points? After watching the Rick Pitino Project in Boston, I guess I'll always be in shock anytime his team wins an important game.

Last but certainly not least were the belovable Bulldogs of Mississippi St. Who else but me forsaw the scare they would instill in Duke? I might not be able to name a single one of their players, but I do know one thing: without the typically biased Duke officiating for Coach Gay and company, my Final 4 dream matchup between Villanova and Mississippi St. would still be on track. I'm extremely bitter about this, even moreso since shitty Michigan State would have been the Bulldogs' next victim.

So how am I faring in the race for the Roget? 3rd place isn't too bad, with such wise selections as NC St. over UConn and of course Villanova. But after last week's Boozathon, perhaps it's all for the better if I'm not mackin Leon Phelps style. I'm definitely counting on the Cats now, and they've never let me down once this season.


Saturday, March 19, 2005

 

It's A Craze. Everybody Love It.


Two days into the NCAA Tournament, and I've already got some of the competition flustered. As you already know, two of my Final 4 teams are considered insane controversial picks. But Villanova and Mississippi St. easily handled their competition and will be breezing by Florida and Duke respectively in 30 hours. 26-6 through the first 32 games left me tied for first in our Mindset Army pool.

The Chris McNaughton heroics did get me to thinking about popular jerseys. And when the Sports Guy opined that the Moss Raiders jersey will be the biggest seller ever due to the hip hop implications it holds, I decided to wonder who currently have the 5 least popular jerseys.

After a bit of discussion with Kenny Bloggins, we did reach one conclusion: anybody with the name Gay is at the least one of the two least popular jerseys.

I'm putting Gay at #1.

Kenny Bloggins had Jose Canseco at #1, but I'm not even sure he should crack the Top 5. My rationale is that a Canseco jersey would be a unique, kinda funny thing to wear.

Instead, my #2 is a darkhorse. Those of you who are familiar with Jackie should know that receiving a Doug Christie jersey from a pal is a very ominous signal. Remember those "Got a friend who's whipped?" commercials that one of those breweries put out? The Christie jersey is the epitome of that.

If it wasn't for the novelty aspect that always gets put into a star player playing on a crap team near the twilight of his career, then Emmitt's Cardinals jersey would have cracked the list. However, as I've seen in countless MTV Jams sessions, things like a Gary Payton Bucks jersey is popular among rappers looking for something unique.

Anyway, I think the #3 least popular jersey of all time belongs to a current Cincinatti Bearcats player. So what's the name on the back of Tony's jersey? Bobbit. No, it's not spelled like John Bobbitt, but still.

Kenny B. got creative near the end of his list, citing a Percy Miller Hornets jersey from way back in the day when Master P was sayin Unh!!! in the tryouts. He didn't come close to making the team, but Paul Silas did commend Percy for his ability to draw fouls with his very refined and realistic sounding shout.

Still, I think that would be one of those novelty jerseys that Fabolous is going to bring out in his next "Made 4 The Bitches" single video. If I had to make a real guess, I think it's safe to say that Rae Carruth isn't exactly getting royalties in the pen from the sales for his vintage Carolina Panthers jersey.

That leaves one more to choose, and it's definitely a tough call. But would anyone ever get an Esera Tuaolo jersey?


Thursday, March 17, 2005

 

St. Patrick's Day Roundup


As it should be, St. Patrick's Day has been eventful. Coinciding with the start of the NCAA Tournament (Villanova all the way), the day's duties make it very hard to catch everything. I'm still recovering from my second drunken phase of the past 24 hours, but I did get a free shirt for the toil.

As Murphy MacManus would say, "It's St. Patty's Day. Everyone's Irish today." No St. Patty's Day would be complete without watching The Boondock Saints.

In other news, UW Milwaukee won. I'm from around there and didn't pick them. Oops. Then again, if a 12 is going to beat a 5, let's not make it New Mexico.

Shaq and Kobe go tonight again too. Someone page Chauncey Billups please.


Monday, March 14, 2005

 

Two NCAA Pool Tips


I've never been a huge fan of college basketball, and I only barely follow the hometown teams as is.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from blowing money every year making uneducated guesses in a pool league. As you could surmise, I've never won or come close to winning one, and I've been in a few large ones.

That doesn't mean I can't help people, because the fact is I have 2 guaranteed selections for people that can't go wrong. It all started back in the glory days of 1995.

I was a young'n back in those days but I was enamored with the mighty Villanova Wildcats (no homo). Led by star guard and sharpshooter, Kerry Kittles, Villanova had a great season in the Big East and earned themselves a 3 seed in the tournament. I decided that Kerry Kittles would lead Villanova throughout the tournament. Unfortunately, I didn't have 12 years of New Jersey Nets balling experience at the time when I made the pick. In I guess what could be considered a "classic" upset, Old Dominion beat the 3rd seeded Wildcats in triple overtime, fucking my bracket up beyond repair.

That didn't stop me from picking Villanova to do damage in subsequent years, with the likes of Kittles and Jason Maxiel. Hell, even Tim Thomas's tainted relationship with Villanova didn't stop me from constantly picking Nova. Thankfully for my pools lately, Villanova wasn't invited to dance.

Until this year. They are a 5 seed going up against New Mexico, a pretty good 12 seed. They would face Louisville in the 2nd round, which just so happens to be 4th...in the nation. What does this all mean? Well of course it means I'm picking Villanova to reach the Final 4. Which should be your cue to pick New Mexico in Round 1.

But I'm not done dispensing advice. I have another soft spot for the Mississippi State Bulldogs, ever since the days of Erick Dampier (no homo again). That year with Mount Dampier, the Bulldogs got to the Final 4 or something. And of course, since that year, I've picked the Bulldogs to get to at least the Elite 8 everytime they've been in the tournament. As you may have guessed, that was their cue to lose in the first round again and again. Mississippi State has been pretty damn good in previous years too, and yet they still lose guaranteed.

This year the Bulldogs are only a 9 seed. Which of course means I'm picking them to the Elite 8. Again, go against them in Round 1.


Saturday, March 12, 2005

 

The Greatest "Gangsta Rap" Album Ever


While thinking about the "Great(est) Debate" and even The Hive's review of Ready 2 Die (which was good for once!), I got to thinking about what the greatest gangsta rap album of all time is.

Before discussing it, I want to clarify that I believe the term "gangsta rap" is the most overrused term in the history of hip hop. Although the term is defined in the Rap Dictionary as a style evolving out West, its used commonly to refers t, you guessed it, rapping about being a gangsta/thug/criminal/bad boy telling stories about doing things (or bitches) in the hood.

Using this simple definition, it should be clear that some of the most notorious gangsta rappers are not gangsta rappers at all. Perhaps nobody's been called a gangsta rapper more than Tupac Shakur, but would anyone classify Me Against The World as gangsta rap? Pac rapped about so many things besides being a gangsta that he's about the last person I'd ever consider calling a gangsta rapper (besides Talib Kweli and Will Smith). Other "gangsta rappers" like Ice T, NWA etc. can be separated from that label because they were dealing frequently with politics.

To me, a gangsta rap album has to be entirely that theme, not 2 tracks out of 12. Very few of the renowned and recognized "gangsta rappers" have done this. The seminal rappers that immediately come to mind are Biggie, Mobb Deep and to a lesser extent the immortal Calvin Broadus. In my opinion, Ready 2 Die and The Infamous are the two best gangsta rap CDs of the 90s. Doggystyle is less serious and mostly party music.

So which one do I think is more gangsta? In terms of lyrics, Biggie's light years ahead and despite his death his lead has increased overtime as Prodigy continues to inch closer and closer to the funny farm.

But in terms of mood and production, I think The Infamous is the better album. Ready 2 Die has festive and introspective moments, with tailor made singles to sell. The most impressive gangsta rap is that which doesn't have to compromise its mood to sell. The Infamous is just plain raw from start to finish.

Partly because Fly reviewed Ready 2 Die already, and partly because I listen to The Infamous more, I've decided to compare each track number between the two albums.

The Start Of Your Ending (41st Side) vs. Things Done Changed

I love the opening track of The Infamous and it definitely sets the dark mood for what will be coming over the next 80 minutes. But it is most certainly not as good as Things Done Changed. Advantage: Biggie

Survival of the Fittest vs. Gimme The Loot

Biggie sorta goes against the grain in telling his tales about robbing. Usually his delivery is stable and methodic. Gimme the Loot is anything but. The beat for Survival of the Fittest, with the hard hitting piano loop, puts it over the top. In the first verse, P raps "You walkin witcha head down scared to look /
You shook, cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks." Somehow I think we'll be hearing more about that lyric later. Advantage: Mobb Deep

Eye For An Eye vs. Machine Gun Funk

Machine Gun Funk is one of my favorite beats on Ready 2 Die. I read somewhere that Biggie wanted to make it the first single, although I guess he didn't go wrong with Big Poppa. "I live for the funk. I die for the funk..." Eye For An Eye however has the beat to match and brings Raekwon and Nas, when the former was just hitting it with Wu and the latter was still Nasty. Thank those two for a major assist in making Eye For An Eye the better track. Advantage: Mobb Deep

Give Up The Goods vs. Warning

Rapper Noyd, or Big Noyd, makes his Infamous debut on Give Up The Goods and absolutely kills it.
Comin' straight outta QB
pushin' an Infiniti
you ask can I rip it constantly?
Mentally?
Definitely, to the death of me
come and test me
trust me, nigga couldn't touch me if he snuff me
so bust me, you're gonna have to, 'cause I'ma blast you
I'm lyrical like a miracle, ill spiritual
Yet again, the Mobb gets a major assist. On the other hand, Warning is an incredible track. The only problem I have is that a video had to be made of it. And in that video, Biggie's fat ass is loungin around in bed and we see the guy without a shirt. No homo. It reminds me of the scene in Kingpin where Woody takes that million dollar bet. Again, no homo. Anyway, I'm callin this one a wash. Tie

Temperature's Risin vs. Ready 2 Die

This is one of the few examples where the Mobb track is almost as impressive lyrically. Temperature's Risin is their best storytelling on the album about a friend trying to keep out of the clutches of the 5 0.
What up, black? Hold your head wherever you at
On the flow from the cops or wings on your backs
That snitch nigga gave police your location
We'll chop his body up in six degrees of separation
Killer listen, shit ain't the same without you at home
Phony niggas walk around tryin to be your clone
They really fear you, when you was at home you was pale
That's why they wanna see you either dead or in jail
By the time you hear this rhyme you probably be locked up
tried to hussle, where along the lines your plan slipped up
Got caught up in a crime that you can't take back
Reminisce on how I use to pick you up in the Ac
Years ago when we was younger seemed the hood took us under very deep
Wonderin who snitched and got me losin lots of sleep
at night, you know my mouth is tight
I never sang to the cops cos that shit ain't right
Sometimes I stroll past the scene of the crime and backtrack
Damn, why the situation go down like dat?
It'll be a long time before the heat dies down
In a couple of years, fool we'll see you around
But til then maintain and keep ya story the same
The cops is grabbin wrong niggas, lookin for someone to blame
They harrassin, strugglin to find the truth
Is it a chance ya case'll get thrown out cos they ain't got no proof
Ready 2 Die's title track isn't helped by the fact that the rest of the album is so good. Advantage: Mobb Deep

Up North Trip vs. One More Chance

After talking about a friend trying to escape the police, the Mobb's next track is about the pen. However, Up North Trip doesn't hold a candle to One More Chance, or the remix. Ironically, P samples the famous "When it comes to sex, I'm similar to the thriller in Manila" line on Hold You Down off the Alchemist's album. Biggie starts off the proceedings in style.
When it comes to sex, I'm similar to the thriller in Manila
Honeys call me Bigga the condom filler
Whether it's stiff tongue or stiff dick
Biggie squeeze it to make shit fit, now check this shit
I got the pack of Rough Riders in the back of the Pathfinder
You know the ep along by James Todd Smith
I get swift with the lyrical gift
Hit you with the dick, make your kidneys shift
Here we go, here we go, but I'm not Domino
I got the funk flow to make your drawers drop slow
So recognize the dick size in these Karl Kani jeans
I'm in thirteens, know what I mean
And the remix is legendary to top that off. Advantage: Biggie

Trife Life vs. The What

This time it's Biggie bringing over a Wu compatriot, Method Man. Meanwhile, Trife Life is one of the more blah efforts on The Infamous, although the premise of having a meeting arranged by a former fuckfriend leads to Trife Life 2 on Hell On Earth. Trife Life 2 is a considerably better track too. Advantage: Biggie

Q.U. Hectic vs. Juicy

This is the best matchup among corresponding tracks. Hectic is one of the best Mobb Deep tracks of all time, a solid second on this album, and it's extremely dark. P's first verse fits the beat perfectly.
I open my eyes to the streets where I was raised as a man
And learned to use my hands for protection
in scuffles, throw all my blows in doubles
I'm coming from Queens motherfucker carrying guns in couples
And wilding, a Q-U soldier
From Lefrak to Rockaway back to Queensbridge
Black it's only crack sales makin niggaz act like that
Back in the days we could scrap, now you lay on your back
As things changed with time I traded in my knuckles for a Mac-10
And rather live the life of crime
With my Bed-Stuy connection connected in two
It's liable to start shit too wild for you
Peace to, Baesley, Forty-P get down
And when you outta town represent your ground
Them niggaz bleed just like us so show em where we come from
Queens; leavin niggaz done Son
Juicy is one of Ready 2 Die's upbeat moments and one of the most famous rap tracks of all time. The two moods between these songs couldn't be more different. On equal footing though, you have to go with Juicy. Advantage: Biggie

Right Back At You vs. Everyday Struggle

After the best matchup comes the worst. Everyday Struggle is so much better than Right Back At You in every capacity that I can't imagine anyone arguing otherwise.

Biggie's first verse might be my favorite verse on the album.
I know how it feel to wake up fucked up
Pockets broke as hell, another rock to sell
People look at you like youse the user
Selling drugs to all the losers, mad buddha abuser
But they don't know about your stress-filled day
Baby on the way mad bills to pay
That's why you drink Tanqueray; so you can reminisce
and wish, you wasn't livin so devilish, ssshit
I remember I was just like you
Smokin blunts with my crew, flippin over 62's
Cause G-E-D, wasn't B-I-G
I got P-A-I-D, that's why my moms hate me
She was forced to kick me out, no doubt
Then I figured out licks went for twenty down South
Packed up my tools for my raw power move
Glock nineteen for casket and flower moves
for chumps tryin to stop my flow
And what they don't know will show on the autopsy
Went to see Papi, to cop me a brick
Asked for some consignment and he wasn't tryin to hear it
Smoking mad Newports cause I'm due in court
for an assault, that I caught, in Bridgeport, New York
Catch me if you can like the Gingerbread Man
You better have your gat in hand, cause man
Advantage: Biggie

Cradle 2 The Grave vs. Me And My Bitch

Cradle 2 The Grave is the last lull in the album. Me and My Bitch is another tight track in a long line of them that most everyone is familiar with. Advantage: Biggie

Drink Away The Pain vs. Big Poppa

Big Poppa obviously is the better party track. But it's also one of the least impressive lyrical exercises on the album and one of the least interesting too.

Meanwhile, Q Tip produces this jazzy melody and drops a nice verse. But P steals the show yet again.
I used to be in love with this bitch named E&J
Don't fuck with her anymore now I fuck with Tanqueray
Tanqueray introduced me to her first cousin Gold
Last name was Ide's and the first name Old
But Gold couldn't take the dick and made me lazy
We split apart and now I met this new trick Dany
Now me and Dany, we been together ever since
Our love combines to form a science, what is this
I bust a cherry, took her virginity in ninety-one
Now that she's open everybody want to tap somethin
Go get your own don't make me have to fuckin clap somethin
I love my shorty more than life now ain't that somethin
So love you Dany more than livin itself
Even though my friends tell me she ain't good for my health
When I go pick her up they tell me put her back on the shelf
They say say yo P she only wants you for one thing that's your wealth
But I don't pay attention, she's my baby, the Dany
You know she drive me crazy she's my number one lady
Met her back in eighty-nine now she's twenty-two
Actin like she forty, she said all I need is a man to support me
Besides, you from the 41st side of things
and Queensbridge niggaz be actin like they kings
Pushin Lexus' wearin fat diamond rings
My cellular phone reigns supreme, international think rational
The 12th street crew move back when we come through
Advantage: Mobb Deep.

Shook Ones Part II vs. Respect

Fly calls Respect the best beat on the album. But obviously it's farm league compared to Shook Ones II, which is probably the greatest gangsta rap track ever created. If you haven't heard Shook Ones II, escape your bubble. Yet again, P kills it.
I got you stuck off the realness, we be the infamous
you heard of us
official Queensbridge murderers
the Mobb comes equipped with warfare, beware
of my crime family who got nuff shots to share
for all of those who wanna profile and pose
rock you in your face, stab your brain wit' your nosebone
you all alone in these streets, cousin
every man for theirself in this land we be gunnin'
and keep them shook crews runnin'
like they supposed to
they come around but they never come close to
I can see it inside your face
you're in the wrong place
cowards like you just get they're whole body laced up
with bullet holes and such
speak the wrong words man and you will get touched
you can put your whole army against my team and
I guarantee you it'll be your very last time breathin'
your simple words just don't move me
you're minor, we're major
you all up in the game and don't deserve to be a player
don't make me have to call your name out
your crew is featherweight
my gunshots'll make you levitate
I'm only nineteen but my mind is old
and when the things get for real my warm heart turns cold
another nigga deceased, another story gets told
it ain't nothin' really
hey, yo dun spark the Phillie
so I can get my mind off these yellowbacked niggas
why they still alive I don't know, go figure
meanwhile back in Queens the realness is foundation
if I die I couldn't choose a better location
when the slugs penetrate you feel a burning sensation
getting closer to God in a tight situation
now, take these words home and think it through
or the next rhyme I write might be about you
What a track. Advantage: Mobb Deep

Party Over vs. Friend Of Mine

This is a relatively tough call, but I like Party Over better due to the strong production and the story about dunny on the run. Advantage: Mobb Deep

Party Over is the last Mobb track, whereas Biggie still has Unbelievable, a Primo beat with a fun Biggie flow, and Suicidal Thoughts, the half track half outro ending. Based on that scoring, I had one tie, 6 better Mobb tracks and 6 better Biggie tracks.

Regardless, those who appreciate gangsta rap are pining for the hardcore shit, while some of Ready 2 Die was marketed for mass appeal. Despite how incredible tracks like Juicy or Big Poppa are, the Mobb wasn't interested in that formula or the masses. That element is what puts The Infamous over the top as far as I'm concerned.


Thursday, March 10, 2005

 

The British Are Certifiably Insane: Fed-Ex Edition


If I were British (Heaven forbid), I'd abstain from checking or sending mail.
Two royal wedding stamps have been unveiled -- to a distinctly muted reception.

The stamps show Prince Charles and his long-time lover Camilla Parker Bowles Movement in relaxed mood ahead of their April 8 wedding. Both are guffawing with laughter on the 30 pence stamp, but strike a more formal pose on the 68 pence version.
"Guffawing." Priceless.

And I apologize in advance, but you just had to know this was coming...




Would you believe nobody bought that?




Rotten.com Presents - It Sucks To Be Charles


Wednesday, March 09, 2005

 

Biggie And The Great Debate

8 years ago today, the Notorious BIG was killed in a drive by in Los Angeles. For any ignoramuses, that's the occasion Bol was talking about.

Of course, days like March 9 and September 13 are apt to bring out the "great debate," or at least the debate over who's the greatest. Bol's post favorably compares Biggie to a few of the MCs that are considered some of the greatest in stating that Biggie was the greatest of all time.

Of course, not everybody thinks Biggie is the greatest. And I'm in the not everybody crowd. Here's the Johnny Whitewater food chain.

Tupac Shakur > Notorious BIG

The debate almost always centers over these two, probably because they had the infamous beef. Here's what I say to people when responding.

"Biggie was the better MC. Pac was the better rapper."

I think there's a difference between an MC and a rapper. When we're talking about MC skills, we're talking about flow, wordplay and delivery. Flow being the way you string along your rhymes, wordplay obviously being how clever your shit is, and delivery in terms of the emotion and voice during the rhymes. I don't think anyone would argue that Biggie's flow and wordplay is better (unless you're a Pac dickryder). At the same time, I think it's obvious that Pac's delivery was better.

So why would I take Pac over Biggie? Because, as so many have proved before, you can be a perfect MC and still make shitty music. Whether it's something like Jigga's "Justify My Thug" or Nastradamus's "You Owe Me," being a tight MC doesn't make you a good rapper.

In addition to the fact that Biggie put out about enough material to make 3.5-4.5 good CDs, I think Pac's discography (at least before he died + Makaveli) is better. Me Against The World is deeper than any Biggie album. All Eyez On Me was more epic and more rounded than Life After Death. The Makaveli album was on an entirely different level. Biggie's MC skills on Me And My Bitch does not make the song better than Me And My Girlfriend. Pac had enough material for about 20 bootleg albums from his 10 or so months at Death Row, much of it being great. Not only was Pac's music deeper and more rounded, but the guy was about 5 times as prolific as Biggie in making good music by numbers alone.

While I think a majority of people who care would name Pac the greatest rapper of all time, I actually think Pac's MC skills are generally underrated. But that's an entirely different post.

A lot of people like to discuss the gulliness of the individual rappers, as if that has anything to do with their music. The simple truth is that almost every successful rapper does not leave the studio and start bucking. Some people over at BC dot C note Pac was a backup dancer for Digital Underground. Nobody's calling that "gangsta," but Pac also sold drugs, shot a few cops in 93 and got shot 9 times. That's a strong resume in any G contest.

I won't get as specific for the rest, but I'll take Pac's music over the old schoolers, notably KRS-1's and Rakim's for most of the same reasons I just listed above. Pac didn't peak with his first album and subsequently make a Volume 2 or Nastradamus either.

If you're interested in rap music only to hear the skills of the MC, there's a good chance you'll be hearing a lot of bullshit about Chanel and Gucci. If you want to hear good tracks about various aspects of life ranging from death, friendship, partying, religion, the hood, women, bitches, gangs etc. then Pac will have something you'll like.


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

 

You Can Hate Me Now




One of Webster's definitions of "niche" is "a position particularly well suited to the person who occupies it." Simply put, this man has found his niche when it comes to notoriety.



For those lucky enough to never know of the NBA's existence, this man means nothing to you. For the rest of us outside of the City of Angels, the name Dick Bavetta strikes fear in us all. Somewhere hiding in the deep abyss that is the National Basketball Association's office is The Man, and many an individual believes that David Stern The Man dictates everything.

If you believe in The Man, then you understand the legacy of Dick Bavetta. If The Man truly exists, Dick Bavetta is the Darth Vader to his Emperor Palpatine (minus some Return of the Jedi theatrics). In some regions, the man is known as "Knick Bavetta."

You may laugh. But Shaq and Kobe aside, Dick Bavetta is the man most responsible for the Lakers 3peat. Some of us will never forget Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals in 2002, a crime so heinous even Ralph Nader felt the urge to investigate.


"What is thy bidding, my master?"


Your boy and my boy Michael Wilbon, now of Pardon The Interruption fame, put it very nicely.
All along, I've wanted to see a seventh game. But not if it had to come about like this.

Statistical evidence is usually circumstantial, but consider this anyway: the Lakers had shot an average of 22 foul shots through the first five games of this series, but on Friday night here at home they shot 27 . . . in the fourth quarter.
Much like innocence lost, Dick Bavetta continues to crush the dreams of all small market teams.


"In time, you will call me...Master."


Sunday, March 06, 2005

 

The NFL Hates Fags

As noted by The Hive, the NFl has a lengthy list of naughty words that it won't allow on the backs of custom made football jerseys.

Despite the fact that a guy on the Patriots has the last name Gay, the NFL was poised not to allow that word on the back of a jersey.

Here are some other notables.
ASS BLASTER
ASS CLOWN
ATHLETES FOOT
CARRUTH
DATNIGGA
FACEFUCKER
GAY PRIDE
GLAZED DONUT
HE HATE ME
SLIME
SWEETNESS
What I can't figure out is why they have the likes of Carruth and Dahmer on the ban list, but not Bundy, Manson, McVeigh or even Bin Laden. And if we're nixing Carruth, what about the immortal Orenthal James Simpson?


Friday, March 04, 2005

 

The State of the NBA Blogging Address


Given the importance of the National Basketball Association, I'm surprised that there is so little blog commentary about the league's happenings. This is made even worse when Chauncey Billups is nowhere to be found but milk cartons. When the Jaz-O of this NBA blog shit pulls a Bison Dele, it hurts us all.

Thankfully, there are some other options out there. Free Darko is definitely onto something with observations like this.
7:48 - If I was a Sperm, I would want to be the Dwyane Wade of Sperm. That guy can get through five different people on the way to the bucket, and usually 2 of the 5 are on his same team. Every drive is like one last ditch effort to hit the Egg's Outer Wall before spontaneous combustion sets in.
No homo, I think.

Regardless, I think that somebody needs to step up. And who could possibly be more qualified than an individual who can make the Bucks a winning team in a basketball simulation league? Or how about Top 3 in a competitive Yahoo fantasy basketball league? Can your team compete with the likes of Steph/Pierce/Q Richardson/DocDrew Gooden and Big Z Ilgauskas? I'm definitely in a position to let knowledge drop.

For those of you who are less initiated (which must mean you found this page on accident), there is only one thing you need to know about the NBA.



STEVE JACKSON is the bane of the NBA. In the Spurs title run 2 years ago, STEVE averaged about 12/3. When the Spurs subsequently lost the next year, STEVE blamed it on the Spurs giving his sorry ass up to the Atlanta Hawks, also known as the Atlanta Lowliest Of Lows.

Here are just a few of the things STEVE has said recently.
"It's been kind of hard, I'm labeled as a jerk right now, you know what I mean? But I love it. I've been a jerk all my life. My momma loves this jerk. My kids love this jerk. I'm going to be a jerk in a good way, though. I'm going to be a jerk to the other teams and just go out there and play basketball. I can do that."

"It hasn't changed me at all. Obviously I won't go in the stands again, but I'm the same person." - on what STEVE'S learned from the Pistons-Pacers melee.

"I make love to pressure." If I had to guess, I'd classify that as a So Homo.
All that, from a career scrub who was and still should be playing in the CBA/NBDL.

I do admit, it was pretty damn funny what he did in the Palace. But that doesn't excuse him for a career full of mishaps and diarrhea mouth.


Wednesday, March 02, 2005

 

Death Penalty For Kids Abolished


The Supreme Court itself says kids shall no longer be put to death.


No word yet on these little buggers though.


Tuesday, March 01, 2005

 

50 Cent Is An Idiot


Let's be real. The School For The Dumb could tell you 50 Cent's newest album sucks. I haven't seen a good thing said about 50's album except for one line about Ja Rule, and I'm sure nobody reading this page has seen anything different.

With that said, it's not like 50's the first guy to unnecessarily throw shots at a rapper. In fact, 50's boy Tupac used to throw some unnecessary shots at people like Jay Z (before he deserved it). Like I said before, 50 and Fat Joe etc. realize that 50's trying to sell by dissing people.

Still, the news that 50's dropping Game from G-Unit is an absolute stunner.
50 told Flex he was disappointed with comments Game made on the station Saturday night, when the West Coast MC revealed he would not be getting involved in the beefs 50 is stirring up with "Piggy Bank"
Maybe if 50 had any reason to diss Fat Joe, Jadakiss, Nas, Shyne etc. then Game would have had a different opinion.

Of course, The Game sells just fine without that bullshit, something 50 doesn't think he can do anymore.
According to Flex, Game even said he was going to do a song with Nas. "He's gone," 50 scoffed. "He might as well make the record."
HOW OUTRAGEOUS!
50 also said Game should stop saying "G-Unit." "He thinks he's doing me a favor when he says that."

During his conversation with Flex, 50 claimed Interscope was going to drop the Game until 50 stepped in and got involved with The Documentary. 50 also insisted that he's making more money off The Documentary than Game is, and that he wrote more choruses than he's credited for.
We all know how critical 50 was to The Documentary. 50's value towards that album was almost as important as Devean George's influence on the Lakers 3peat.
Believe it or not, Game was on Hot 97 earlier in the evening, talking to host Angie Martinez. When listeners called in to ask about his and 50's problems, Game simply said he was going to continue to make "good music." Two nights prior, Game had said on-air that he and 50 did not have to be friends as long as they worked toward that same common goal: making good music.
If he didn't realize it already, Chuck Taylor has hopefully figured out by now that he doesn't need G-Unit.


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