Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

For those of us who make sites and entries as despicable as those debuted by Nasty Naus, there's only one game in town for us.

The Rotten.com Deadpool. It's a game so simple even Terri Schiavo can play. Put simply, you pick 10 people out of a database of many who you think will die in the next 12 months.

Of course, Rotten.com understands its audience, so it does provide some important ground rules.

I. THOU SHALT NOT KILL:

Murdering a member of your list (otherwise known as market manipulation) is not allowed. Players may not cause or otherwise participate in the death of any celebrities. If you cause death to a celebrity on your list, you will be suspended for one (1) year of play. If you cause death to a celebrity on another person's list with the intent to manipulate scores, you will also be suspended for one year. If you attempt to use weapons of mass destruction to kill large numbers of people, some of whom are likely to be celebrities, you will be suspended for one year.

II. CONDEMNED CRIMINALS NEED NOT APPLY

No credit shall be given for prisoners already incarcerated with a potential death sentence pending or already sentenced to death, if they are lawfully executed. However, full credit shall be given if that prisoner commits suicide, is murdered, or dies of natural causes. If a prisoner is executed lawfully for a crime that was committed after entry into the dead pool, then full credit shall be given.

V. THOU SHALT NOT KILL OTHER PLAYERS

Murdering another player shall result in lifetime expulsion from all games.

IX. DEAD IS DEAD

It doesn't count if the celeb "dies" on the operating table, only to be revived. Death is defined as the permanent, irreversible condition of croakitude. Transient deathlike states need not apply. [Cryogenic suspension notwithstanding.]

XI. INSIDER TRADING

Making choices based on insider knowledge is LEGAL in this game. If you know something, use it to your advantage. Celebrities with known terminal illnesses, fatwas hanging over their heads, Mafia contracts, etc. are allowed.

I fancy myself (Major No Homo) as an individual who keeps abreast of current events and thus someone who could be pretty good at this game. The first time I played, last year, I only picked people who I was rooting for to die or such obvious choices, like His Holiness, J motherfuckin Paul the Second.

I only got 3 right, but they were doozies.

Ronald Reagan: Ok, I can't be proud of that one.

Marge Schott: Fuck yeah. I came across her name by chance and picked it for the fuck of it. And then the bitch croaked. In a game that tens of thousands play, I was one of about 3 dozen to get that one right.

Yasser Arafat: One of the ones I was openly rooting for, the bastard finally did some of us a nice favor by adding a point to our deathpool scores.

Sadly, my run ended with 3 out of 10. The best players so far have gotten 7 of 10 right, with smart picks like Rodney Dangerfield, Johnny Carson, Fay Wray and assorted ancient bags that are practically fossilized artifacts with lungs.

Best of all, you get to play again after 12 months. "Just when I try to get out, they pull me back in." So I went ahead and filled out 10 in February and had my picks locked in, before Ms. Schiavo's case made headlines and thus promised a point to anyone who joins now.

Fidel Castro: This pick's a combination of sensibility and style. Here's hopin Fidel goes out with a bang, literally or figuratively.

Eddie Albert: This dude played Oliver on Green Acres. In otherwords, the old bag on the show that wrapped about 50 years ago. This guy is so old he makes Mother Theresa of 1997 look virile.

Gordon Hinckley: This guy's the head of the Mormon Church. I picked him because he's 95, but I guess there's always a chance that one of his many kids by one of his many wives might try to usurp his throne with a coup d'etat.

Albert Hofmann: This dude is going on his 99th year. He also discovered LSD, which leads me to suspect that he used it and tried it. That's gotta be detrimental in some capacity, right?

Evel Knievel: A style pick. I'm going out on a limb because the Evel one is not even 70.

Jerry Lewis: Nobody needs any reminding of who this fool is. He's nearing the big 8-0 though, and seeing as how I have no use for him, die away.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts: After taking all of his lumps, The Snake went on a drug binge, apparently including crack cocaine. The Snake already has one attempted suicide under his belt. Here's to relapse.

Lady Bird Johnson: Former first lady under 17th President Andrew Johnson. I'm just barely kidding. Lady Bird's been taking flight for almost 90 freakin years. It's time for permanent grounding.

Pope John Paul II: Over at Byron Crawford.com I made the immaculate choice of November 22 as the departure date of The Ponstiff. This old man has been vexing Deadpool veterans for almost 2 years as he clings tenuously to his pimpmobile and his now famous "window." But November 22nd has set such a strong precedent for the departure date of notorious Catholics. Time to bolster that reputation even moreso.

Queen Elizabeth II: And for my final pick, Her Highness. Come on, isn't it time for "King Charles?" Actually, the more I think about it, I'm not sure I want the answer to that question.