Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

 

Official: Government changes holiday


In an emergency overnight session last night, the US Congress passed a bill un-declaring every third Monday in January Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and redeclaring it Shaq-Kobe day.


"Frankly, America's kids, be they nigrah or honkey, don't give a rats-ass about MLK," said some old white guy in a suit. "Ask a little boy who King was, and he might know or he might think your speakin' about LeBron James. Now ask that same little nigrah about Mamba. He'll recite stats out his ass."

Shaq couldn't be reached for comment but Bryant was quoted as saying something that Michael Jordan would have.

Friday, October 28, 2005

 

Rosa Parks: 1913-2005




Now she's really not moving from that bus seat.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

 

No Womo


It must be a slow newsday if a story on the WNBA is the most interesting read.

In case you haven't heard, to the surprise of no one, Sheryl Swoopes admitted that she was a lesbian today.

Swoopes gets pumped before a game by listening to the Indigo Girls


This begs the question, are there any gay players in the NBA? We have compiled the likeliest suspects (nhjic).


Yuta Tabuse


Easy first choice, Yuta Tabuse was the first Japanese born player in the NBA. Judging from this picture (and his season stats), it looks like Yuta spends more time primping his hair in the morning than working on his jump shot.


Mike Wilks


Mikey's a 5'11" ballhandler out of Rice now manning the point for Cleveland. Look at that picture and tell me he doesn't ball for the other team.


Bob Sura


I must've only been 12 years old, watching the Cavaliers in '95, but I knew something wasn't quite right with their rookie guard.


Jason Kidd


Joumana is a front. So was punching her.


Jason's "wife" Joumana Kidd sits with 5 year old TJ Kidd, the manliest individual in the Kidd household, and the only one who can grow facial hair.

And once again. Andrew Bogut: Australian for teh ghey.




No Homo Juelz Santana, Bloggystyle introduces the All NBA 1st Team Gay.


Sunday, October 23, 2005

 

Sport's Manliest Men


First of all, let me preface this post with a no homo.


Last friday started off well. I made my morning cup of coffee, a nice bowl of cereal, and switched on the TV. First thing I see, Al Roker. Then a story on Tom Cruise. Followed by an ad for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Is it possible to watch television for 5 minutes and not be inundated with homosexuality?


In protest, I've decided to post something masculine. Pro sports. Something with nothing homosexual at all. Enjoy everyone





Mike Piazza, star catcher for the New York Mets.



Mike Piazza, not gay




Jeff Garcia, Detroit Lions quarterback and heterosexual




Garcia, getting pounded by two defensive linemen



Kordell Stewart, running to Urban Outfitters 30% off sale



Definitely not queer


 

Killa Cam Shot


We've been told in the past that the Dipset is a "powerful movement" by self-bragging Dipset rappers such as Juelz Santana and Jim Jones. Of course, the leader of the group is one Cam'ron Giles, also known as Killa Cam.

Despite the powerful movement of the Dipset however, it is clear that a poor black man's urge to steal a Lamborghini is even more powerful.

At least, that's the story we're being given, that Cam was shot a few times after refusing to give up his ride. But given some key pieces of evidence, Nasty Naus has postulated a new theory on who was really out to get Killaed Cam.

Here are 10 reasons that Bloggystyle is going out on a limb and predicting that Killa Cam was actually shot by the Illuminati Gay and Lesbian Alliance due to an interesting paradox. In an extensive new conspiracy theory, Nasty Naus believes Cam'ron was shot by the Alliance because he both mocked homosexuality and was an embarassing representative of it. Here's the proof Nasty Naus wishes to have shared with the world.

#10


Wow, Cam'ron. Just wow.

#9


Here's Killa Cam showing viewers the only pink he's interested in.

#8



#7



#6


No Homo Juelz Santana: "Oh Boy"

#5


Doesn't Dipset look powerful?

#4


Much like Jeff Garcia and Jeff Gordon, Cam'ron likes to front, nhjic.

#3



#2


Killa Cam lookin real manly.

#1



Clearly it's a compelling theory.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

 

Support Emperor Stern's Dress Code


While it's essential to the sanity of this great nation that the Association of National Basketball gets underway in a mere matter of weeks, we recently received a proclamation from Magistrate Stern that the players will no longer be allowed to revolutionize the hip hop clothing industry wear street clothes.

Some people believe the implications of this ban are monstrous. Admittedly, there are good reasons why the ban could be rejected, like the evidence offered below.


Amare Stoudemire, Pac, Iron Mike.


Emperor Stern may as well have called it the "Allen Iverson Rule." Hater.


However, the overwhelming evidence that we are about to provide documents how the ban will level the stylo playing field, where the Erick Dampiers of the world become relevant once more. Here are 10 solid reasons why Emperor Stern knows what he's doing.

#10


Jalen Rose. No wonder he's concerned about biters.

#9


Erick Dampier. Relevant for the first and last time in his career.

#8


Peja "Eurotard" Stojakovic, flashin his wool.

#7


Maurice Taylor. If only he had the game to match.

#6


Just kidding. Can we pretend this never happened?

#5


Hold your head homie

#4


Big Poppa Samaki Walker.

#3


Marcus Haislip's only worthwhile NBA moment. Let's not even get started.

#2


I can't believe you were drafted either Mo Pete.

#1

Was there ever any doubt for this one?


Bogut: Australian for teh ghey.


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

 

Molester Alert: Lipnicki Reaches Puberty


Before Tom Cruise was crazy and wasn't pretending to be straight, he made some good movies, one of these being Jerry Maguire. It became one of the biggest movies of 1996 thanks to its catchphrases like Show me the money!, and its dynamic actors - Bryant Gumbel Cuba Gooding Jr, Renee Zellweger, and of course, every mom's favorite character in the movie, Renee Zellweger's adorable son, played by Jonathan Lipnicki (no homo)




In classic child star manner,Jonathan's career has since gone the way of Corey Feldman and the kid from The Sixth Sense. Out of pity, it seems that someone invited poor Jonathan to a recent movie premiere. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into.


Its a shame he didn't get his mail order Proactiv before they rolled out the red carpet.




"Help me help you" find the nearest plastic surgeon.

And with that, Bloggystyle has finally concluded the elusive quest to find an individual Tom Cruise would prescribe anti-depressants to.


 

The Juice Signs Autographs


For some reason it was a big deal in the media that the Juice was signing autographs for money the other week.

Many individuals were fortunate enough to not receive OJ Simpson's steel autograph, like this lucky lady.



Since other media outlets were considering it a big deal, Bloggystyle correspondents went ahead and took exclusive pictures of the important event to post for viewers ourselves.


Mark McGwire Juice signing autographs.


Sammy Sosa Juice signing autographs.


Jason Giambi Juice signing autographs.


Rafael Palmeiro Juice signing autographs.


Jose Canseco Juice signing autographs.


Barroid Barry Bonds Juice signing autographs.


Roger Clemens Juice signing autographs.


Lance Armstrong Juice signing autographs.


Shaquille O'Neal Juice Fatass signed an autograph.


I know what you're thinking. How can a man who clearly lied before a grand jury make money out of signing autographs, and how can the media stomach giving the Juice the spotlight?

Once again, Bloggystyle has the answer.


Mark McGwire
Juice solemnly swears to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, next time.

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