Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

My day just wouldn't be complete without an MTV Insider look at the trials and tribulations necessary to make garbage music.

When Gwen Stefani got the call that Linda Perry was ready to write with her, the first thing she did was bury her face in a pillow and cry. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Don't we all feel this way when we have to get up in the morning? Oh yeah, none of us make millions of dollars and most people have real jobs. If Gwen Stefani really needs a reason to cry, she should remember that her first single was "Spiderwebs." That's almost enough to make me cry, come to think of it.

Stefani would go into another room to try to write some lyrics, and when she came back, Perry would already have the whole song nailed. "Dude, slow down. This is my record. Let me be a part of it," Gwen thought.

Is MTV trying to tell us that an artist with the following lyrics suffered writer's block at some point? "I can't wait to go back and do Japan / Get me lots of brand new fans. / Osaka, Tokyo / You Harajuku girls. / Damn, you've got some wicked style." No, never!

Next we got to hear about Gwen's motivation and the sources she intended to use for the album.

And then she made another list of musical idols she'd like to do some exploring with. The game plan was simple, but strict: Love the '80s, but make them modern. The concept for a solo record was born.

As we learned throughout the 90s, making a hit album using 80s music is easier said than done, unless you were employing the services of a BedStuy emcee who often went by the name Francis White. What, you thought Ma$e actually retired because of God?

Here's the biggest tragedy of the whole thing.

The list of those people was long — Dr. Dre, the Neptunes, Andre 3000, New Order, Nellee Hooper, Dallas Austin, and Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis were among the producers and musicians with whom she collaborated.

Just think of how great an album using those producers could be if it involved a worthwhile artist. Well, as long as Pharrel didn't do voiceovers anyway.

"I think every record No Doubt's made had its own challenges," she said. "But this one, for me, was the hardest. When you've never really written with other people, you're exposing yourself, taking your clothes off, saying, 'All right, here we go, this is me, this is you.'

Ok, on second thought maybe those producers weren't actually wasting their time.

"I've never been a creative writer," Stefani explained.

I think MTV had the entire story covered in just that sentence, yet this article rambles on and on. And thankfully so, since the story has an incredible climax which should have made Gwen consider quitting.

Stefani freaked out when she was trying to write "this deep song" about a friend who had passed away, and Perry came up with the lyrics before she could.

If you're feeling bad about that Gwen, I believe Puffy's cell number is I'LL-B-MISSN-U.

One thing I have to give credit to Gwen for is that she sure thinks big.

"I don't want somebody writing something better than me on my own record," Stefani admitted. "But at the same time, it's not about that. If I were to write the chorus of 'Yesterday' by the Beatles, and that's all I wrote, that would be good enough to be part of that history.

Earth to Gwen, Sir Paul wrote that chorus, and rumors of his demise WERE highly exaggerated.

But finally we get to the best parts of the story, involving members of Shady/Aftermath. After listening to Encore, you wouldn't think these guys would be bashing other people for writer's block or terrible music, and that's not even taking into account the fact that Dr. Dre has released like 3 albums since I've been alive.

But after she played Dre the songs she had been working on, he rolled his eyes. "[Dre] basically told [me] to go rewrite the whole song again. And I was like, 'Oh, no, what am I going to do?' "

"He was like, 'You don't want to go back there,' and I'm like, 'Yes, I want to,' and he's like, 'No, you don't.' "

If I were Gwen, I'd listen to the man. At least he's smart enough to have Jay Z, Marshall and the D.O.C. write for him.

Thankfully, this article finishes with a 50 Cent mention!

Eventually, during a brainstorm while running on her treadmill, Gwen got it. At a dinner party another night, Stefani ran into 50 Cent, and in swapping Dre stories, she discovered that the rapper/producer was strict with everybody, not just her.

Is the doc really strict with everybody, or did the writer of this article consider that the two individuals mentioned here are Gwen Stefani, who's been suffering writer's block for the past 8 years, and 50 Cent, who would axe you 21 questions if he could count that high.

So I've weeded through a whole lot of crap throughout this article, but I finally reached my own conclusion regarding Gwen Stefani's inability to write anything of substance.

Grammar students, you'd be needing a red pen for this one:

"What I learned is that you can get a lot done if you push yourself," she said. "I made all my dreams come true of working with these people, even though I have so many insecurities. I still have this whole ego issue, and it's all bruised up and messed up.

Hey, don't tell me you didn't know the picture was coming.