Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

Seriously, has there ever been a worse track than Soldier by Destiny's Child?

No doubt you've heard it. For some unknown reason, stations feel compelled to play this track or video. But this shit is so mindblowingly terrible that it had to be commented on.

T.I. starts off the proceedings with a slow moving lame verse, including lyrics like "The way you got it, I'm the hottest around / They'll know it when they see you rollin' impala's around." Why, you ask? According to Beyonce, "[Soldier] has this Southern feel, so it was almost natural to get those guys on the song," Beyoncé said. "And we're fans."

Well, I'm not gonna hate on T.I. for grabbing the spotlight that comes from doing a track with these girls, and if he could avoid getting hammered by Roy Williams, maybe he even got a little Kelly out of it. But nothing about this track is "Southern." This music can only be categorized as total garbage.

It all goes downhill from there. Next up is Kelly, who drops innovative rhymes involving the words gleamin/leanin/screamin. What's more, Kelly is engaged to a football player, Cowboys safety Roy Williams. If this track is about their guys, maybe the NFL should look into Kelly's lyric "Eyes be so low from their chief."

But Roy has nothing to fear. Why? Because only one football player on this planet is a soldier.



Next up is Beyonce, who rhymes BK/three ways/freeway. Seriously, I haven't heard something that lame since Skee Lo was rhyming Friday with highway. The way I see it, Jay Z's in a bit of a conondrum. Somehow, he has managed to get a really hot girl attached to his incredibly ugly mug, but can one of the greatest emcees of all time actually stand to have to listen to stuff like this in his everyday life? Surely there are plenty of groupies for Jay to bang. Maybe Foxy Brown's still drugged up enough to mess with him.

And just when I think it can't get any worse than Beyonce, it manages to do so. Enter Lil Wayne. I actually know people who think Lil Wayne's tight. But I'm gonna have to ask again, because on this song Lil Wayne rhymes so slowsly that he makes Prodigy sound like Bizzy Bone. At least when someone like Cam rhymes slower than a race between Stephen Hawking and Gordon Gund, he will throw in some clever lyrics or multiple rhymes.


"Hey Gordon, the camera's over here!"


Sorry Steve, you can't use the wheels. And don't try to argue because I can't understand you anyway.

Anyway, what does Lil Wayne hit us with?

Hey, see cash money is a army
I'm walkin' wit purple hearts on me
You talkin' to the sargeant
Body marked up like the subway in harlem
Call him, weezy f baby, please say the baby
If you don't see me on the block I ain't tryna hide
I blend in wit the hood, i'm camouflage
Bandana tied, so mommy join my troop
Now every time she hear my name she salute.

Now reading that might take that Rudy guy from Notre Dame a few minutes to read, but he would still finish reading before Lil Wayne finishes the verse. I wish I was kidding.

With that said, adding Lil Wayne to this track made for one of the funniest and most ironic video moments of all time. This track is supposed to be about soldiers and street cred, so what happens? Lil Wayne gets on the video and parks his midget ass right in front of the three girls, all of whom look like Yao Ming standing behind Earl Boykins.

If that guy on the left is a soldier, where do I sign up to fight him?

Certainly there's been more than enough misery on this track already. But the worst girl in the group still hasn't gone yet. Not only is she the worst, she's also the ugliest. Michelle does 8 lines, 5 of which end with the word tonight, the rest ending with the words life/like/right. The only thing that could have made this worse was if it was 50 mumbling the words, like he does in 21 questions where he rhymes like that with nightcap. Just hearing that still makes me want to break something.

Can you believe these individuals have all released solo albums? I guess that adage about the sum being greater than its parts is true. The three girls separated could probably never create such a mammoth piece of shit on their own.


Can you say fugly? The girls look like a couple of real soldiers took this song too seriously.