Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

I was considering making an entry about Kanye's stupid Grammy antics, but I'm sure Bol Guevara, the world's only Kanyegate professional, will touch on the whole Kanye thing eventually, no homo.

Besides, you would never believe where a Semisonic sighting would occur. No, not a one hit wonder list or program, and no not I Love The 90s.

Apparently the New York Times had no shame in letting one of those assclowns tell us how to watch the Grammys "like a pro."

You might remember Semisonic for its "big hit" Closing Time, which may as well have been talking about their careers. Instead, it's about bars and drinking. I don't think a white person has ever made a good song with the theme being about alcohol. Closing Time might be the pinnacle for white people in that category, but it certainly can't mess with Alkaholic by X to the Z and company.

Anyway, it was bad enough that they dusted off a Semisonic guy to do an article, but then he titles it "How to Watch the Grammys Like a Pro." The only thing this guy is professional at is being a no talent hack bum.

Six years ago, I was suddenly promoted from a guy who made weird faces behind a drum set to an eligible Grammy bachelor. "Closing Time," the big hit from my band, Semisonic, was nominated for best rock song. Though it had already faded from the charts, the moment was intoxicating

Of course, my memory served me right. This guy doesn't have to make faces to look weird.


Jacob Slichter: the antithesis of everything rock n roll.

But as I was plotting an impeccable getup and wondering whom to invite, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. Technically, only Dan Wilson, my bandmate and the writer of the song, had been nominated. The show was sold out, and even if our bassist, John Munson, and I could find tickets, they would cost our record label, MCA Records, several hundred dollars apiece.

I thought this was supposedly an intoxicating moment. Talk about teh ghey.

By the time what most people know as the Grammys begins, at least 95 of the 107 sealed envelopes will have been opened during an afternoon ceremony.

So the guy writes an article titled "How To Watch The Grammys Like A Pro" and then informs us that anybody watching will miss about 90% of the Grammys. That's not exactly Mr. Pink type professionalism.

Losers applaud wistfully and then find their way to the bar in the lobby (as my bandmates and I did in 1999, shortly after Alanis Morissette won the best rock song award for "Uninvited").

How do you lose a rock song award to ALANIS MORISSETTE? If I managed something like that, I would have done the only honorable thing. I think the Japanese call it hari kari or something. Even the Milli Vanilli guy knew what he had to do and that guy was the embodiment of fraud!

When they're not on stage tonight, Stevie Wonder, Brian Wilson, Billy Preston and Bonnie Raitt might be seated in the front rows, an intimidating sight for younger performers.

Ok, I'll give this guy props for finding a way to incorporate the words Stevie Wonder, intimidating and sight all in one sentence.

At the end of this unbearable article, we are hit with a plug.

Jacob Slichter is the author of the memoir "So You Wanna Be a Rock & Roll Star."

Gotta be an autobiography.