Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

Anytime you've been relegated to reviewing albums that are nearing 10 years old, it's most likely an extended rap drought. Sure, Game's album came out in mid-late January, but everybody with ears heard that shit in early January.

Since then, no high profile album has dropped. Technically one still hasn't, but 50's leaked at least. Since I'm not a fan of 50 and I wasn't a fan of Get Rich Or Die Trying, the fact that I haven't been able to do a new review lately is just about the only reason I wanted to hear this.

Also, I apparently got the leak a day or two late, so I have already heard that this album blew donkey choad. In his review, Bol rips 50 to shreds, but in that review he also states that he likes 50 as an MC more than The Game. Personally, I think that's completely insane. To me, 50 is the Michael Ruffin to Game's Michael Redd. Call me an asshole, but 50's mumbling gets to me, and I don't care if he can't help it.

Intro

One thing I really hate about intros is that they can get in the way of a good song or a good album. But since this is 50, I don't really have to worry about that. So when a chick gets taken out Valentine Day Massacre style in the intro, it's probably a highlight.

In My Hood

Many times I ask myself if 50 Cent even heard the damn beat before he made his verse. 50 sings like a bitch on the hook, basically the same thing he dissed Ja Rule for. As for his rhymes, he's basically a crappy Lloyd Banks, like the diarrhea to Banks's massive log.

The beat? Blah.

This Is 50

THIS IS 50? What is 50 doing on a 50 album?!? Bol notes that "little drum roll from the beginning of Biggie's "Things Done Changed" at the start of this track. But before you could even get "Back in the day" outta your mouth, you'll be interrupted by some 50 mumbling.

I like this beat better than the first. But much like giving a max contract to Tim Thomas, no good results from it anyway.

I'm Supposed To Die Tonight

Please fulfill that prophecy already.

Piggy Bank

For a guy who's portraying the ultra thug, that is just the pussiest name for a rap song ever.

Unfortunately, since 50 titled this the Piggy Bank, it means the hook includes lyrics like "CLICKETY CLANK CLICKETY CLANK MONEY GOES INTO MY PIGGY BANK." It's actually a shame because he actually throws a decent diss at Ja (Got 100 guns 100 clips/why I hear no shots?), a diss at Fat Joe's Ass Crack (That fat nigga thought Lean Back was In Da Club / My shit sold 11 mil, his shit was a dud). Then he says he'll do to Jada what Jay Z did to Mobb Deep. 50 must have forgotten that Jay Z actually had to rap and rhyme nice to do that.

It's hard to blame 50 for making these disses, but if sales were a measure of quality, none of these guys have ever had a thing on MC Hammer anyway. I don't care if everybody on this planet but me had 50's album, he would still suck, no homo.

Then 50 throws shots at Shyne, and a small one at Nas. At this point, 50's basically just looking for a reason to be considered relevant in the rap game.

Gatman & Robin (featuring Marshall)

The Batman theme has already been used on Aftermath for the Em Show. And since that track (I think it was Business?) got played 10 million fuckin times on the radio that year, forgive me if I don't want to hear this stuff.

With that said, Marshall drops an impressive verse, although it's somewhat hard to hear over the beat. After obviously getting embarassed on his own track, it's actually humorous to hear 50 try to keep up in the following verse. He's able to keep up Marshall's pace for about 3 bars before having to slow down. Blame it on that mumble I guess.

Candy Shop

What's the only thing worse than Magic Stick? Another version of it. Except this one's inferior, if that's even possible. Since anybody who sees this page has certainly been subjected to the 50 Cent Trademarked Torture that is this garbage, I guess I'll talk about the video.

There's nothing really interesting about the video. Sure, the girls are hot and all, but when you watch MTV Jams for 10 hours a day, Franklin Roosevelts actually begin to look like Thomas Jeffersons.

Anyway, at the very end, 50, 2 hoes and another cat are sitting on a couch. Except the other guy's not Lloyd Banks, or Buck or Game or Dre or Marshall. It's freakin Lil Scrappy. Recently I read rumors that Scrappy's going to (or already did) sign with G-Unit, which would be the worst news I've heard this year. On the Coach Carter soundtrack, Scrappy and Game do a track together, so it's not farfetched.

Intermission

Ok, so there's no actual intermission at this point. But I dare you to listen to 6 50 tracks in a row! And then consider that there are like 13 left on this album. I feel like an indentured servant.

Out Of Control

"I take em to ecstasy / without ecstasy." "Can you feel it? / Em said for me to make you feel it / and to remind you that you rockin with the Realest."

Seriously Bol, is this better than The Game?

Get In My Car

That last track was produced by Dre. It simply wasn't a very good beat. At least he saved the good stuff for The Game.

This beat is an ok changeup. Basically this track is just about telling girls that they aren't worth shit, and a pickup line's not even needed for 50, who tells the hoes to just get in the ride.

Ski Mask Way

50 borrows some more from Biggie. Maybe the boys at Aftermath realized how ridiculous it is to diss someone for biting Pac while they're doing the same damn thing. Especially when 50 got on a track with the Hail Mary beat and made a verse of all Pac lyrics from Against All Odds. So they've moved onto Biggie instead.

Baltimore Love Thing

50 tries to tell a story in this track, where he's rapping from the point of view of drugs. Obviously this has nothing on most of the tracks in this subgenre, like I Gave You Power or Me And My Girlfriend.

But 50 got one thing right. An overdose of what he's offering might actually kill me. No homo.

Ryder Music

I can't figure out why the softest beat and softest hook on this album was put on a track titled Ryder Music.

Listening to this hook makes it so obvious that 50 has absolutely no sense of flow or matching a beat. And for god's sake, that mumble. He talks about black dudes being on his dick, but it sounds more like he's got their's in his mouth. No homo.

Disco Inferno

I think this is the best beat on the album so far. Not that it matters. 50's lyrics are so elementary that Lil Bow Wow and Jermaine Dupri probably would have laughed him out of the studio.

Just A Lil Bit

Not to sound racist, but I have a "tracks with Asian beats" quota on my playlist. Right now it's filled by Masta Killa and Wu-Tang. Fat chance knocking any of those off anytime soon.

Gunz Come Out

Is that Marshall on the hook? It doesn't really matter who it is because it's pretty obnoxious anyway.

This beat's pretty good, but it's obvious that the production on Get Rich Or Die Trying is considerably better as a whole than this album. And even then it wasn't good enough for me to want to replay that album.

My Toy Soldiers

What in the fuck is the premise of this track? At least Marshall's Toy Soldiers reference was relevant to the basis of the track. The only thing I can think of is that 50's referring to his crew as his toy soldiers.

At that point, I realized I put more thought into trying to figure this out than 50 did to craft the track anyway.

Position of Power

This is like My Toy Soldiers Part 2. 50's telling us that he's the general who can give orders to shoot.

Instead of being Toy Soldiers Part 2, I guess it's really just the "I am a hard mofo track part 16." I still can't believe rap careers can be made out of making the same song over and over again.

Build You Up

This track comes only a few tracks after we were told that 50 only orders women to get in the car. This track comes about a dozen tracks or something after Candy Shop.

Man this is terrible. I didn't know 50 even had this bad in him.

God Gave Me Style

I read somewhere that this was a cover. I think his first verse was about as lyrical as 50 gets on this album. Not that the verse is impressive or particularly good or anything, but it is what it is.

So Amazing

The same bitch in Candy Shop is on this track again. So the only good thing that can come from this track is that there might be another video with her pouring chocolate on another girl.

I Don't Need 'Em

The interesting beat aside, which you obviously had nothing to do with anyway, we certainly don't need you either.

Hate It Or Love It Remix

Yes, this track was on The Documentary. 50's verse on that track was good for him. And when 50 does a little jig on the hook, even that turns out ok, no homo.

How fitting that for a remix on 50's album, The Game is the one doing a new verse and he kills 50 again. the rest of G Unit pitch in too. 50 changes one line among his two verses for this "remix." If that's not the definition of mailing it in, what the hell is?

I can't believe how bad 50 is. I can't believe how much 50 sells. Hopefully the jig is up after this dump they call an album, no homo.

Because if people objectively judged The Massacre, the only thing it should kill is Curtis Jackson's time behind the mic. The 10 seconds it took to transfer this album to my recycling bin was my best use of time today.