Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

If the Oklahoma Senator wants cockfights story wasn't bad enough, witness the Oklahoma justice system at work.

Jurors and others in Judge Donald Thompson's courtroom kept hearing a strange whooshing noise, like a bicycle pump or maybe a blood pressure cuff. During one trial, Thompson seemed so distracted that some jurors thought he was playing a hand-held video game or tying fly-fishing lures behind the bench.

If only...

The explanation, investigators say, is even stranger than some imagined: The judge had a habit of masturbating with a penis pump under his robe during trials.

Police built a case against the judge after one of Wall's officers testified during a 2003 murder trial. From the witness stand, the officer saw a piece of plastic tubing disappear under Thompson's robe. During a lunch break, officers took photographs of the pump under the desk.

Investigators later collected carpet samples, Thompson's robes and the chair from behind the bench, and found semen, according to court records.

Would you let someone who looked like this judge anything?

It's times like these that make me wish the South won the Civil War. Since we won't be lucky enough to get another chance to split away from the South, the only course of action left for a true patriot like me is to petition the powers that be to dissolve Oklahoma's ties to the Union. So if you're a concerned American, sign my petition to kick Oklahoma out of the United States.


Oklahoma: the "sooner" they leave the better.