Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

In the wake of my gloating over the current NL Central standings, I only realized a few days ago that the Brewers play the Cardinals this weekend.

So I did what anybody in Milwaukee with a Lincoln in their pocket could do. Since there's nothing going on around here, I bought a ticket to tonight's game, along with some other friends. That way, I'll have the experience of witnessing the magnitude of the Cardinals' shittiness in person for future entries.

I won't be live blogging, because that's gay (and I'd be too incoherent anyway). But I can already say what my schedule will be.

4:00 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

Ben Sheets is likely going to throw the first pitch at 7:05 pm. We will be arriving at Miller Park by 4. Of course, the game itself is only one of the reasons I'm going. Actually, it's more of an excuse for us to tailgate and get wasted. Especially when the hometown team hasn't been competitive in 13 years.


It might be April, but it's still Wisconsin

4:01 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

Upon exiting the vehicle, it's time for the first of what will be many of these.


Fuck Miller products.

4:10 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

It's time for the second of what will be many of these.


Fuck Miller products.

4:15 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

Assume the grilling position. (No homo?)



4:20 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

It's time for the third of what will be many of these.


Fuck Miller products.

6:00 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

For some reason, if a camera's present, people feel the need to take a picture of their tailgating group. If you don't believe me, do a Google image search. If somebody has a camera in our group, the following might occur:


9 morons should not make a stereotype.

Yes, I realize that picture is titled whitewater.jpg. Except our group will include hot girls and fewer losers.

7:05 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time


While this is happening inside the Park...


This is still happening outside the Park.

7:15 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

It's time for the manyeth of what will be many of these.


By now I've taken enough Silver Bullets to make Dracula blush, no homo.

7:45 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

It's time for us to enter Miller Park and head straight to the bleachers. I will be donning the only thing in franchise history worth anything.



8:00 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

It's the top of the 3rd inning, with the Brewers up a few runs.

Through beer goggles, I will see something resembling the following sequence.









9:30 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

Beer sales are cut off after the 7th inning. If there was anyone in the Park, riot would ensue.

9:45 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

With the Brewers comfortably ahead in the 8th inning, gratuitous shots of drunken fans are taken by panning cameras. Look for a few shirtless, drunken individuals, one with a Let's, another with a Go, and a fat roomate with Milwaukee Brewers on their chests. That's us.

10:00 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

With the game almost over and the Brewers extending the division lead, we are more concerned about trying to determine who is the least drunk to drive home.

10:15 in the post meridian, Central Standard Time

Brewers closer Mike Adams shuts the door on the Cardinals for a 5-2 victory. The Brewers will be 2.5 ahead of the Cards.

And even if we do somehow lose, we still get to go home drunk, which would still be enough for me.

What can beat a day at the Park?