Sunday, April 10, 2005
The Worst Rap Not Done By Rappers
There sure was plenty of bad rap to listen to, as yesterday's discussion could attest. But we barely even broached the topic of raps done by individuals who do not consider rapping a real profession. When we realized what an outburst of selections that would entail, we decided not to deal with it on the regional basis.
Well it's time has truly come. And both of us are well equipped and versed when it comes to this stuff.
Also, Fly came up with the idea of a bracket for a Worst Songs Ever tournament. We've already taken care of 4, and we will eventually discuss the next 12 to add. NastyNaus and I will then seed them and post each track online for the voters. In the meantime, here's discussion on the fifth track to enter the competition.
Johnny Whitewater: All right, there are so many options, all almost equivalent to each other in raw shittiness, so let's just start throwin some outAgain, we did limit ourselves mostly to NBA ballers (and Aaron Carter). If any of you have pierced your eardrums with worse music that fits this genre, it would only be fitting to share it.
NastyNaus: Good idea
Johnny Whitewater: Let the brainstorming begin.
NastyNaus: Aaron Carter - Thats how I beat Shaq
Johnny Whitewater: wait a second: what the hell is that?
Johnny Whitewater: that's the Backalley Boy's brother doing rap?
NastyNaus: Aaron Carter, the brother of the backstreet boys
NastyNaus: yes
NastyNaus: I shouldve made that singular
Johnny Whitewater: WOW. he raps on it?
NastyNaus: yeah...
Johnny Whitewater: damn, well that's a frontrunner
Johnny Whitewater: let's brainstorm some more. I mean there's Big Willystyle gettin freakalicious, or should I say gettin jiggy wit it.
NastyNaus: Shaq - Biological Didnt Bother
Johnny Whitewater: ok, you have to post lyrics of these
Johnny Whitewater: didn't Rasheed Wallace diss your boy E-40 on some stuff?
NastyNaus: She probably didn't trust men anymore
Until Philip Harrison walk though the door
Went out a few times but what about Shaquille
Moms offered him a million dollar package deal
She said you want me you gotta take my son
or else its like a hot dog but without the bun
Johnny Whitewater: jesus. that's pretty bad, but I got a couple of those mixtape joints with Kobe Bryant rappin alongside like Capone from CNN
Johnny Whitewater: Kobe Bryant calls himself the rap game's Adolf on one of em...
NastyNaus: Ya, what about the Kobe Bryant track with Tyra Banks?
Johnny Whitewater: K O B E I L O V E U?
NastyNaus: yeah
Johnny Whitewater: "What I live for, basketball.
beats and braws
From Ital-ee to the US
Yes, it's raw."
Johnny Whitewater: Why didn't Big Dog Glenn Robinson ever put out his album anyway? I was fiendin forever
NastyNaus: great lyrics
Johnny Whitewater: imagine Robert Traylor up in the cameo rappin bout food
NastyNaus: hahah
Johnny Whitewater: how many times do you think Big Dog would have rhymed words like dog and bite?
NastyNaus: yeah no kidding
Johnny Whitewater: I guess we can't pick based on potential.
NastyNaus: anything would be better than Kobe
Johnny Whitewater: wait now, what about Ron Artest?
NastyNaus: Kobe's lyrics were rough
NastyNaus: Artest's stuff isnt as bad as Kobe
NastyNaus: And Artest could beat the shit out of Kobe
Johnny Whitewater: well what about AI?
NastyNaus: 40 barz?
NastyNaus: Sorry I've been trying to think of a Kobe joke this whole time
Johnny Whitewater: hey, have u seen these Artest lyrics?
"You love it when I rub you. / Love it when you rub mine / Spine twirls when you touch me. / Like I'm chewin' on necks, / trust me, I'm the best"
Johnny Whitewater: When Kobe tries to force the issue, he can't be stopped.
NastyNaus: thats Artest right?
NastyNaus: there you go
Johnny Whitewater: it's almost impossible to deny Kobe the ball, especially when he's intent on dribble drive penetration
NastyNaus: man
Johnny Whitewater: anyway, let's not get too off base here.
Johnny Whitewater: AI, "Approach me with faggot tendencies, you'll end up where the maggots be"
Johnny Whitewater: AI gets extra points for actually getting the rap moniker Jewelzz
NastyNaus: I actually like that song
Johnny Whitewater: I wonder if he realized there was an R&B bitch on Death Row in the mid 90s with the same name...
Johnny Whitewater: So many NBA stars to choose from. god.
NastyNaus: true enough
NastyNaus: lets just give it to Kobe?
Johnny Whitewater: I can't give it to Kobe. no homo for both of those lines.
Johnny Whitewater: K.O.B.E. is not worse than Shaq's shit
Johnny Whitewater: what about Rasheed?
NastyNaus: I knew he dissed E-40 but I never heard the track
Johnny Whitewater: that's pretty sad.
Johnny Whitewater: Aaron Carter does sound super bad though. what's the beat like?
Johnny Whitewater: and post some lyrics.
NastyNaus: the beat is straight off of the disney channel
NastyNaus: But then I saw a shadow
It was 12 foot 3
It was Shaquile O'Neal
(What? What did he say?)
(How 'bout some one-on-one, do you wanna play?)
I told him why not, I got some time
But when I beat you real bad
Try not to cry
Johnny Whitewater: wow.
Johnny Whitewater: Shaq's not on this track at all?
NastyNaus: no even shaq wouldnt endorse something this bad
Johnny Whitewater: so Aaron Carter made this track for no purpose at all?
Johnny Whitewater: just to showcase how pathetic he is?
NastyNaus: well in the video they just show a black guy from behind with a #34 yellow jersey
Johnny Whitewater: I'm not sure admitting to seeing this video reflects well on you.
NastyNaus: yeah...I forget where I saw it...
Johnny Whitewater: So we're gonna go with Aaron Carter.
Johnny Whitewater: what's the name of the track again?
NastyNaus: That's How I
NastyNaus: Beat Shaq
Johnny Whitewater: Aaron Carter - That's How I Beat Shaq. can you tell us how he beats Shaq in the lyrics?
NastyNaus: I had a plan, that I could change the pace
I said, Yo Shaq you didn't tie your shoelace
He looked down, I stole the ball
I'm taking him to school now, watch me all
A 3-pointer, nothing but net
Come on Shaq, had enough yet?
Down by two, I'm catching up
I guess your getting nervous
Cuz you already lost
NastyNaus: Announcers were shocked
Couldn't believe it was real
(I can't believe a kid just stuffed O'Neal)
One more second, was all that remained
I put the ball up
I put him in shame
I must admit that it sounds real crazy
but the ball went in
Then he cried like a baby
Sorry Shaq, I should've let you win
You're good too
And we can still be friends
Johnny Whitewater: In the words of the immortal Jules Winfield, "That's all you had to say!"
# posted by Jay Dub @ 6:26 PM 
Comments:
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i had the real misfortune of listening to that aaron carter song, but i supressed the memory.
a great nominee is shaq's latest freestyle dissing skillz, tim duncan and kevin garnett.
naus, j-dub: what is yalls aim?
a great nominee is shaq's latest freestyle dissing skillz, tim duncan and kevin garnett.
naus, j-dub: what is yalls aim?
also - afroman, hammer, and vanilla ice - which category do these people belong in? can we seriously call them "rappers"?
other nominees:
"macho man" randy savage - "be a man" (Dissing hulk hogan)
i remember a guy from 90210 did a rap record. i never heard it tho. and heres a pre-emptive strike against nominating david hasselhoff: he never made a rap record with ice-t, it was a joke that a guy on the radio made. he said something to the effect of "ice-t, youre such a pimp, you could even make david hasselhoff a succesful rap artist" and ice was like "yeah and his name would be hassel the hoff". for whichever reason, everybody started saying it actually was going to happen
"macho man" randy savage - "be a man" (Dissing hulk hogan)
i remember a guy from 90210 did a rap record. i never heard it tho. and heres a pre-emptive strike against nominating david hasselhoff: he never made a rap record with ice-t, it was a joke that a guy on the radio made. he said something to the effect of "ice-t, youre such a pimp, you could even make david hasselhoff a succesful rap artist" and ice was like "yeah and his name would be hassel the hoff". for whichever reason, everybody started saying it actually was going to happen
As always DJX, you've got some impressive nominees.
I guess Afroman, Hammer and Ice all considered themselves rappers, if not at least musicians. So they don't count.
Good call on the Machoman, and David Silver of 90210 is the guy who was into rap.
Also, I guess Bud Bundy, Grandmaster B himself, was into rap as well. But I never heard their shit, as compared to all the ballers.
My AIM is jonnywhitewater. If all 3 of us are on at some point maybe we'll have a 3 way discussion on the topic. I think next up is R and B
I guess Afroman, Hammer and Ice all considered themselves rappers, if not at least musicians. So they don't count.
Good call on the Machoman, and David Silver of 90210 is the guy who was into rap.
Also, I guess Bud Bundy, Grandmaster B himself, was into rap as well. But I never heard their shit, as compared to all the ballers.
My AIM is jonnywhitewater. If all 3 of us are on at some point maybe we'll have a 3 way discussion on the topic. I think next up is R and B
> If all 3 of us are on at some point maybe we'll have a 3 way
NO HOMO!!!!!!!
> discussion
that does take out some of the gayness, but still.
NO HOMO!!!!!!!
> discussion
that does take out some of the gayness, but still.
You can't take words out of context to attach gayness to a comment.
No homo to all my posts in this comment thread.
No homo to all my posts in this comment thread.
i think you can. no homo has to squash ANY vague hint of gayness. as you read the comment, one would think that youre saying something gay, maybe only for a split second before reading the next word, but we cant allow even the slightest hint of homo-ness, right? no homo
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