Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

Madison Lemmings

The fact that half of these stories took place in Madison, where I did not go to school, is a testament to the madness that occurs there. It also makes me wonder how much more shit would have happened if I had gone there.

This story took place during sophomore year.

The Main Players


"Don't take my cup."


99%, minus the "Hallowbeast."


"Dat Wigga Stevo"


"Godzilla." nhjic

Stevo was in town due to conflicting school breaks, so the two of us went to Madison to visit 99% and Godzilla. Those two had met some birthday girl at a football game and had gotten an invite to her party, so we headed over to what we thought was her place and started drinking away.

Only about an hour into that party did 99% realize we were at the wrong fucking place. Apparently he was trying to knockboots with this birthday girl, and not being at her party wasn't facilitating that process.

It turned out that we were only two rooms away from the birthday girl's place in this apartment complex, which was on the 2nd floor. So we go into the birthday girl's party with the cups from the other party, just to have those bitches tell us that we had to buy another cup. I told the bitch she wasn't taking our cups and she actually grabbed and broke Stevo's, then offered to give him a new one for a reduced price.

This enraged us enough to retaliate. The line for the bathroom was pretty fucking long, so Stevo got into line and I decided to use the girl's bedroom as my personal can. Having had to go pretty bad, I did a pretty good job of hitting everything in that room while Stevo stood guard over the door. I exited the bedroom and went back downstairs. Stevo got into the bathroom and, according to him, used the girls' toothbrush to brush something other than his teeth . After he had pissed (in the toilet), he also did some dabbling with the toothbrush in there too. Then he put the toothbrush back. No homo to this entire paragraph.

Having gotten revenge, the rest of the night was going normally. 99% had struck out, leaving the 4 of us to do nothing but drink heavily. But after a few hours the cops started knocking on the door.

Now anyone with any experience in that situation should know that quieting down, turning off the music and breaking up the party and leaving is all that is required, especially in Madison where the cops could make a full time job out of breaking them up. Basically anyone in college should have known that. Apparently only Stevo and I did. We sat down a few feet from the front door and continued to drink away. 99% and Godzilla, despite living in Madison, were unaware of this and went hiding in the bedroom that I had earlier used as my own personal facility.

But the other people were going absolutely fucking nuts with fear. Scores of people started making their way into the kitchen to get onto the balcony. Then these motherfuckers actually began to jump off the second story balcony to get away from the cops. And this wasn't an isolated incident. It was a whole damn lemming parade. Having walked to the place earlier, we knew the ground was uneven too, which certainly had to lead to some fucked up ankles. Add in the fact that plenty of these people were really drunk, and I can only imagine some of the injuries sustained by the jumpers.

Of course, sure as shit, after all those dumbshits had jumped, the place got quiet, the music got turned off, the owners of the apartment let the cops in, and those who were sane simply walked out of the place without a problem.

We met up with 99% and Godzilla back at their dorm and promptly began to start passing out, no homo. But Stevo had one more stunt to pull, unbeknownst to all (including himself). Having passed out, Stevo somehow awoke from his coma, walked out of the room, shut the door and then turned around and pissed all over 99%'s door. No homo juelz santana, but the moral of the story clearly is you don't wanna fuck with Stevo. That, and don't jump 15 feet off a balcony to get away from the cops when you can walk right past them.