Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

JDub Barely Avoids Getting Kicked Out Of The Dormitory
18 year olds are old enough to be drafted and vote, but they sure as hell shouldn't be expected to act as adults. And so it was with me. In this story, I will run down the chronological order of events that damn near got me thrown out of the dorm.

As always, real names will not be used in order to protect the guilty.

The Main Players


"From this point forward, you're on 'double secret probation.'"


"PJC"

The Role Players


"Dat Wigga Stevo"


Nasty Naus to Esco to Escobar now he is Nastradamus.

For my first two years of college, I lived in the 9th floor of a dorm, being a neighbor of Peanuts and Gimp and Mad Dog, all of whom have been featured prominently in previous stories. But I had known PJC from before High School and by chance he ended up living in the room next door. No homo Juelz Santana, but we would embark on a path of severe troublemaking over the next two years that led to some unfortunate occurrences for me.

Dat Wigga Stevo and Nasty Naus Come To Visit
At the end of the first semester of my freshman year, my roomate and I were the only ones still on the floor the last night of the semester. Dat Wigga Stevo, Nasty Naus and a few other acquaintances who were off of school decided to stop on in and get wasted. Having nothing else to do, we got drunk way out of proportion. My roomate decided to "water" PJC's door, one of the acquaintances tossed in the bathroom and one of us (who shall remain nameless) decided to use the stairwell as a toilet. The poor janitor came through the next day to find he had hit the trifecta, but since they couldn't prove it was us, we avoided trouble.

The Drinking Ticket
Just about everyone on our floor at one point or another got an underage drinking ticket, which led automatically to a probation of some sort. I got mine in the beginning of the 2nd semester of freshman year.

The Great Pitcher Drop
PJC's room was situated 9 stories above the main exit/entrance of the dorm, which allowed sinister individuals to do some mean things to passers by. During our second year, the two of us thought it'd be hilarious to drop pitchers of water onto people from his room, in the middle of winter. Being semi retarded, we tried (but missed) in the middle of a day on one occasion, before realizing it would be smarter to do it at night. One night we completely doused a group of bitches who began screaming hysterically, drawing a crowd of onlookers to try to figure out what happened. Wisely, we closed the curtains so as not to be discovered. The day before Spring Break we dumped water on a guy who tracked down which room it had come from and made his way up to our floor only to find every room locked and unresponsive. I can only imagine what would have happened if we had been caught for any of that.

Hall Code Violation
To take out trash, we were expected to go down the elevator to ground level and dump it and go back up, a major pain in the ass (no homo). Instead, on a number of occasions I walked it down the stairwell a few floors and dropped it there. One of these times, one of the Resident Assistants (RAs), who we dubbed the Nazi, went through one of my trash bags and found a bank statement envelope with my name on it. I received some sort of violation for that. Always remember to rip up your bank statements.

Blood Brother
At the end of first semester of our second year, only weeks after getting that code violation, PJC and I were brown bagging beer (being underage and all) outside the dorm when I unknowingly cracked the bottle and sliced my index finger the next time I went to pick it up. The cut couldn't have been more than a centimeter long on the base of my finger, but within 5 minutes it looked like I had performed surgery. We thought it would be funny to start writing on various friends' doors in blood, which I did. Upon getting back to my room, I wrote on the wall nearby "Fuck Rich, From The 9th Floor," no homo. Rich was the RA Director. The next morning I was awakened at 8 am by janitors talking to each other in the hall. Seeing the blood, one remarked "Who did this?" and the other said "I don't know, but they sure hate Rich." That was the first and last time I have ever been glad to be awake at 8 am. Yet again, I wasn't caught for that.

Dat Wigga Stevo and Nasty Naus Visit
The very next night, I didn't get so lucky. Since it was the end of the semester, those two came up because they were already on break. Along with PJC, we were the only ones still on the floor. No Homo Juelz Santana: the 4 of us got wasted, did a whole bunch of bad shit to my roomate's belongings, dumped all the beer bottles down the stairwell and were about to pass out at about 1 am or so when the Nazi came up on RA duty and wrote me a noise violation for not observing quiet hours during exam week. I was more than mad because obviously nobody had exams left and there was nobody else living on the fucking floor. After getting the violation, we shut the door of our room and I bitched about the Nazi some more. As I would find out at the beginning of next semester, the Nazi eavesdropped on me outside my room and wrote me up a second time for belittling the SS or something like that.

The Punishment (NHJIC)
Getting my 3rd hall violation in less than a month, I had to report to the RA Director, where I would be put through some sort of menial work to make amends. The motherfucker sentenced me to cleaning up trash outside of the dorm for 5 hours on one of the weeks. He accused me of breaking the bottles in the stairwell that ill fated night but couldn't prove it, so I was cleared of that. And since I had just gone off of probation at the end of the previous semester, that didn't apply.

So I put in that terrible work and managed to get through the rest of that semester avoiding trouble, leading to a life off campus and some of the other ridiculous stories.