Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

Car Ride With Mohammed Atta

Just before Spring Break of Freshman year, the Gimp and I and a couple other guys decided to head up to Madison for a big house party being thrown by some people we knew. Unfortunately for us, the Gimp was bringing two of the rowdiest fucking guys of all time.

The Main Players


The Gimp wouldn't be taking the ill fated car ride.


I would.


"The Wolff," no relation to Winston.

I don't have pictures of the other two guys (nhjic), but suffice it to say that one of them is a Marine who's definitely trigger happy. He actually fought in Fallujah a few months back. The other is smaller but is an even bigger hellraiser, no homo to this entire paragraph.

Anyway we all went to this party, which was just like any other party in Madison, until the Gimp's friends decide it would be funny to pull the fire alarm and break the glass to get the fire extinguisher out. Of course, we all ended up going back to the dorm where one of our friends lived, no homo. By then it was about 3 a.m. and half of the crowd, including the Gimp, passed out.

Meanwhile the Wolff, the Marine, the other guy and I decided we'd see if some sort of food store was still open on State Street, which of course there wasn't. But we walked all the way to State Street just to find everything closed.

Instead of walking back the two miles or so that we had just walked, the other 3 were intent on getting a ride. Believe it or not, there were no taxis around at almost 4 am, but for some reason still unbeknownst to us, there was an Arab dude in a car parked on the wrong side of the road. So of course those guys asked him to give us a ride.

I don't know what this guy was on, but the first words he said in response to our request was "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" The Wolff was adamant about not getting a ride from this guy, but the 4 of us actually got into this guy's car and asked for a ride to the Kohl Center.

"Mohammed Atta" continued to talk about Jesus Christ, and he was unintelligible regarding anything else. He also had no clue where the fuck he was going or what the hell he was doing. Continuing his discussion of whether or not we believe in Jesus Christ, the guy went through the first red light before pulling a surprise left turn out of nowhere. At that point, we decided that enough was enough.

The Gimp's friends decided that drunk driving was safer than that, and they were correct. So they actually drove home. Meanwhile the Wolff and I eventually found our way back and had to sleep in the lobby, no homo.

Progress Report

The Marine would continue to start fights with people and beat the hell out of them (nh), much like he did in the "Cockpump" story, major no homo. The only time the Marine lost a fight was when he was actually tasered by someone. The other guy would continue his vandalism, including stealing a bunch of XBox games, an electric razor and other stuff from the next house party we were at with him.

And of course, a few months later our driver proved he knew how to fly a plane better than drive a car.