Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

No Homo Juelz Santana, but recently members of the Mindset Army have really gotten into the useless old people should die state of mind.

Now I have no problem with Darwinism forcing old bags to cast their lots 6 feet under, but since I'm a relatively affluent white male, I don't really care how much oxygen and other necessities are being consumed by the old bags either. Frankly, as long as they leave me alone, I don't care what they do.

But if I'm forced to deal with one I don't like, then it's a different story. So instead of rooting for random old bags to die, I'm simply going to root for one.



Hubert Jude Brown, who we all unaffectionately know as Hubie, knows a lot about basketball and was a decent NBA coach. He somehow got the Grizzlies winning, and apparently he can even get the other J. Dub to play the point and tone down the theatrics. I had no problem when he was coaching; if a 70 year old guy can get the ballers to pay attention, that's even more impressive.

But despite all that goddam basketball knowledge, Hubert Jude Brown doesn't have a fucking clue how to articulate it, which makes it all the more amazing that he's been employed as an announcer and analyst at TNT and most recently ABC. Typically, nobody wants to listen to a normal, arthritic old man in the first place, which makes Hubie's role as "color" analyst even more dumbfounding. Bill Simmons mocks Brown in just about every column about the NBA, bringing back all those agonizing analyses during the NBA draft about potential and upside.

Unfortunately, the NBA Finals are exclusively on ABC. No Homo Juelz Santana, but instead of getting Steve Kerr or Tom Tolbert or Bill Walton, we are instead forced to listen to Al Michaels and Hubie Brown.

Michaels has been one of the best play by play announcers for years, and he's ok with basketball, but where do I start with Hubie, major no homo?

#1: During one timeout while Hubert gathered up all his assistants, before talking to White Chocolate et al, Hubert fainted and had to be caught by one of the assistants. Actually, no homo juelz santana, that even happened this season during a Duke game to "Coach Gay", but since he's not a boring color analyst, we won't wish death upon him just yet. A few more games and 100 more views of his goddam credit card commercial could change my mind though. Anyway, Hubie's color analysis is the most obnoxious and so boring it makes you want to emulate his fainting spell.

#2: Hubie is (obviously) way too fucking old for the job. When Kid Rock or Marshall are shown courtside, Hubie clearly doesn't know who they are. Maybe in Hubert's heyday it'd be Frankie Blue Eyes and Where Have You Gone Joe Dimaggio, but those fuckers are already pushing daisies. When Anita Baker's enormous fatass is shown on my screen, I want someone who can identify the whale to me.

#3: Hubie's laugh. If you watched Game 3, you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, be glad and try to forget I mentioned it.

#4: Inevitably during the games, there will be a few times where the camera will be focused on the analysts instead of skank cheerleaders. Guess what we see on that occasion?


The only thing worse than listening to him is looking at him.

I could go on, but I'm sure you all get the point by now. I guess we don't necessarily need Hubert Jude Brown to actually add "the late" to the beginning of his name, but if he could be incapacitated somehow (nhjic) for the next 2 weeks, I will be infinitely more happy.


Talk to him more and talk to us less.