Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

It's become more and more clear over the past few seasons of Real World that the producers are simply throwing together the biggest collection of misfits and social pariahs possible, adding alcohol and then watching them do the stupidest fucking thing. Then the Real World aims to go even more over the top the next season.

Up until now, I thought this was some pretty stupid shit. But it appears as though they finally mixed all the proper elements together, and if the first two episodes were any indication, this season could get hectic.

The Cast

They've got the standard set of characters, minus a peter-puffer on the guy's side (major no homo). The token black guy, the Midwestern hick and some pussy ass fool from Massachussets with a ridiculous accent. For once, every guy in the house likes to chase skirt, thank god. The black guy seems normal, the Midwestern hick knows how to do nothing but drink and be obnoxious, and the Massachussets guy...well more about him in a bit.

As always, the Real World found 4 of the biggest bitches possible to put in the house: 2 hotties (one of which hails from Wisconsin), a weirdo and a girl so average in every way that her nickname could be 5.0. While the 2 hotties do nothing but tease everyone, the weirdo, basically Kelly Osbourne without the name recognition, is off in her netherworld. Meanwhile, the average girl was a nurse in Iraq, and based on the trailers will probably let us know about her tour of duty more than John Goodman's characater in the Big Lebowski. I do have my doubts however; nothing about her expansive waistline suggests she was on the MRE plan to me.

So anyway, if the blueprint sounds like a hallmark for the normal Real World behavior, the first two episodes pretty much destroy the myth.

Most Predictable Event

Everything starts out predictably. First everyone arrives, gets annihilated and jumps in a hot tub. The next day, when they all have to be sober, the minorities congregate during the sobriety period. Then at night of course, the roomates all get hammered, the white guys and girls get rowdier, the Peruvian bitch's inability to speak English becomes apparent, the black guy gets outcast, and mayhem ensues. In fact, it was more predictable than normal, with all the white people and Peruvians eventually getting into trouble, and then blaming everything on the token black guy.

Most Unpredictable Event

But somewhere along the way, between all the drama with drunk chickens, the inner rage of a misunderstood black man, and the obnoxious antics of white guys with too much testosterone (nhjic), something incredible occurred. And if you didn't catch the episode, it's certainly worth your time.

Because once the drunk cast, minus the protection of the token black guy, go drunkenly wandering into the streets, they get in a shouting match with a bunch of people that then escalates into a brawl in the middle of a street. And at that point, no homo Juelz Santana, while the hick's anal virginity is being taken from him by a bunch of dudes, another guy takes the teh ghey Massachussets kid, puts him down on his knees and then punches the everloving shit out of his face, breaking a bone beneath the eye that's gonna require surgery.

So we've learned two very important things: Being from Massachussets and having an accent doesn't make you C.T., and as H-Town sensation Mike Jones would have said, "Don't Mess With Texas."