Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

"The Bet"
Of all the mischief and mayhem that came with 5 years of college drinking, much of it forgotten due to drunk haze, only the simple phrase "the bet" could bring immediate recognition of a singular event for all of us. Those two words were an unmistakable reference to our most ridiculous story during college.

I was going to put this up earlier, but I decided not to post it so soon after stories of The Nugget, specifically his sexploits with a member of the AARP. As you'll see, there are some similarities, and admittedly The Nugget's Story is more ridiculous than this one. But this story is worth telling if only as a warning.

Main Players


Mad Dog, Minus Ogre. He could never fully pay me back for this one (nhjic)


G and Mad Dog.


Peanuts, Minus The Ogre


Wingman Savant

Role Players

In August 03, the 4 of us went up to Rhinelander, WI where G owned a cabin on a lake. We met a few other friends there, "JP" and "Feene." In the cabin next door lived a hot blond our age named Jenny, henceforth known as "Jenny From The Dock." "Jenny From The Dock" was notorious for webcamming herself for us months prior during the school year, and we all knew that she wanted to "catch rabies" from the Mad Dog so to speak. What we didn't know was that she was bringing a friend...

The Background

We planned for the weekend to be relatively straightforward, involving beer, brats, boats and, in the case of Mad Dog, a bitch. There was plenty of tubing and jetskis etc. to keep ourselves entertained (nhjic). We got up there on a Thursday night really late, drank a bit and went to bed not knowing that the next day, Friday, August 22, 2003, would be hellacious.

Friday was rolling along innocently enough until about 3 pm, when Mad Dog went over to visit "Jenny From The Dock." Staying with Jenny was a friend named Danielle, who just so happened to be her exact opposite. Whereas Jenny was a toned, long haired attractive blond, Danielle was a fat, short brown haired beast. After exchanging formalities with all of us on our dock for a few minutes, the girls went back to Jenny's, with the intention of coming back to drink with us later in the night.

The Bet

All of us went into the cabin to eat dinner around 5. While doing so, G told us that Danielle in years past would never leave him alone, and he talked about how much he hated her. It was so bad that G joked that he would give someone a barrell just to keep her away from him. While we thought that was humorous, the ante was upped until the bet evolved into fucking her. Mad Dog and Peanuts vowed to buy someone a barrell for that, and "JP" said he'd put forth 5 more, so it was up to 8 half barrells to do her. I refused to put in a barrell because Peanuts had recently broken up with the Ogre, and, no homo juelz santana, it's clear that almost no girl is really beneath his level. Despite the jokes, none of us really took the bet seriously.

After eating we continued drinking at a picnic table outside and started the bonfire. We played typical drinking games, and the two girls showed up drinking UV blue vodka.

By about 10 all of us were drunk and scattered across the property on the lawn or on the dock. An hour earlier, "JP," feeling the effects of the alcohol, threw in 3 more barrells, so the bet was now up to 11. Since I was on the verge of being annihilated, I was drunk enough to consider the bet but I was hoping Peanuts would take the bet, since those barrells would then be imbibed back at school by all of us.

Eventually I was sitting at the picnic table with Jenny and Mad Dog, who had grown more flirtatious. The fact that these two were inevitably getting ready apparently annoyed Danielle, who had become even more obnoxious than a typical fat bitch as the night progressed. Anyway, Jenny started giving Mad Dog a backrub, which prompted Danielle to do the same...to me without even asking me if I wanted one. She immediately asked me why I was so tense; it wasn't really any wonder to anyone but her.

At this point I realized I could take the bet, but I was still hoping for Peanuts to do it, nh. Peanuts then broke the bad news: he wasn't going for the bet.

The Conundrum

So at about 11 pm, I faced the following situation. Mad Dog was trying to get with Jenny From The Dock but faced an inevitable cockblock from her friend who was staying at her house. Meanwhile, 11 half barrells had been offered simply for fucking a girl, which at least wouldn't have to be time costly with this bitch. And Peanuts, who had wavered on taking the bet, had decided not to, while it was becoming clear that I had the opportunity to take it.

Thus I decided to become the most selfless, considerate individual in history for my friends. A little before midnight, I informed them that I was going to take the bet. Since this bitch was a virgin (of course), the guys anticipated that even she might be hesitant to lose it, despite the obvious fact that it was probably the only opportunity in her life to do so. The point is, if I went through with foreplay and didn't get to home plate, I would lose the bet. I immediately downed more alcohol in the hopes I wouldn't remember my actions.

Since I was sacrificing myself for the team, I made damn sure that these guys recognized it. Eventually I took the bitch over to an air matress and fingered her, within sight of everyone sitting at the picnic table 20-30 yards away. That of course got everyone to run inside, and after that she went inside and played cards, while I stood behind her, flashing 11 fingers at Mad Dog and JP and repeating "11 Barrells." JP was completely stunned as he considered the damage about to be done to his checkbook.

At about 12:30, the moment of truth came: I walked into one of the bedrooms with her and closed the door and shut off the lights. Immediately, I encountered a problem: she said she didn't want to fuck, insisting that I was trying to sleep with her, and she refused to believe my canard about being a virgin as well. On more than one occasion she actually asked me why I was messing around with her, and I obviously didn't give her the straight answer, opting for the silent treatment.

After 30 minutes that seemed like an eternity, she agreed to go the distance. Incredibly, due to being completely hammered, it was only then that I realized I had forgotten about the necessity of a condom as proof of winning the bet. I didn't know and didn't ask Mad Dog where he had put them since I didn't think I'd ever have to know this weekend. I figured my previous actions and words would be enough proof so I stopped "prematurely" and determined that I had just won the bet.

I immediately told the bitch to get the fuck out, and with her leaving in the morning I figured I'd never have to see her again. She put on her shirt and pants and went flying out of the cabin. At least, that's what we thought.

I came out after she had left and the house was in an uproar. As it turned out, Mad Dog had gone to Jenny's after I commenced Wingmanning. It turns out that I had been a worthy wingman: I had given him more than enough time for Round 1 and he was in the process of Round 2. Danielle, upon leaving our cabin, immediately ran over to Jenny's and told Mad Dog to get out. Mad Dog started laughing out loud at her: it turned out that she had put her pants on inside out and was wearing Feene's shirt (which couldn't possibly have fit her), since he had stayed in that room the night before. Mad Dog then went to the can before realizing he had forgotten his watch.

Part of the bet was that there had to be certifiable evidence that the bet was won. Without a condom, I didn't have the evidence. It's likely that this wouldn't have mattered, but after he left Jenny's room, Mad Dog listened outside the door to the two bitches talk for a bit. Danielle said to Jenny, "Everybody told me it'd happen sometime. Well tonight was that sometime." Of course, Mad Dog came running back to the cabin laughing his ass off with the certifiable evidence that I had won the bet and thus 11 half barrells, worth approximately 750 dollars. For 30-45 minutes of work, this was quite a payday.

The rest of the weekend of course consisted of non stop jokes, the best of which was when Peanuts asked me if the bed still had legs on it. I immediately replied, "If the bed had legs, it would have run."

The Aftermath

Everyone involved honored the bet. JP still owes 3 barrells worth.

For fear of a fatass retaliation, the girls have never been told about the bet.

We still go up to G's Cabin at least once per summer. We now restrict ourselves to beer, brats and boats.

Unfortunately, the girls do stop by everytime to say hello, making the scene the most awkward 1 minute of all time for everyone involved. Thankfully nobody has taken Danielle's picture so for the sake of my sanity my brain obscures images of her quickly.