Bloggystyle -- The Greatest

There has been interesting news regarding a few of my roomates and their considerably worse halves in the past week.

First, Peanuts went through the hassle of getting a ring and proposing only to have his girlfriend of 2 years say "Not yet." While I could envision much worse things happening to Peanuts, like stubbing his toe (nhjic), apparently things and conversation have been somewhat tense between those two since then, and he's probably a little upset about it. In fact, it drove him to drink 15 beers instead of his customary 12 the other night.

Meanwhile, Mad Dog's female fuck companion took offense to the fact that he wants to wait until she's out of school before even considering it. Perhaps I'm just a bit of a cynic, but maybe the fact that the two met and hooked up by both cheating on their former boyfriend/girlfriend at the time has something to do with Mad Dog's hesitance to consider doing anything with this girl besides plug her holes for the forseeable future.

But enough about those two, because I intend to rant about the practice of engagement as a whole, mostly due to the fact that it's archaic, a waste of money and energy, and completely worthless to everyone but a money/glamor-loving slut.

I'll admit that I might not be the expert on relationships because frankly I have refused to enter into one, but it seems to me that nothing changes with an engagement whatsoever. If a person is on the cusp of proposing, it likely means that they are sure of an affirmative answer (besides Peanuts) anyway.

Besides, the engagement doesn't change the status of a relationship. Typically people in a serious monotonous monogamous relationship don't intend to cheat or dump their partner, unless the relationship exists just because a person is too lazy to give up convenient fucking to find something challenging or better (like our Fight Club Friend 1%). Peanuts and his girlfriend "November" have been steady for 2 years, so I would assume the ultimate goal of most any monotonous monogamous relationship is marriage. Engagements are not binding, and they don't serve any tax purposes, so what role do they even play?

The way I see it, they only play one role:


And for men, that role, as Tony Montana would say, is "getting fucked," figuratively speaking of course (no homo). If you're going to be retarded old fashioned, you better prepare yourself for saying hi to the jeweler by saying bye to at least 3 of the best friends you will ever have, Benjamin Franklin 1, Benjamin Franklin 2 and Benjamin Franklin 3. Your bitch better be worth it.

So to sum up engagement as a practice, a man has to spend hundreds of dollars on a goddam ring to give to a girl who is no more bound to him during the engagement than before it. And engagement's one actually important task, preparing a couple for a wedding date or marriage, is usually already being accomplished just by having a steady monotonous monogamous relationship over an extended period of time.

In other words, engagement is pointless, a waste of time, money and energy, and you're even selling 3 of your best friends into servitude to some greedy, probably Tall Israeli, jeweler.

All I can say is if some girl should ever be so lucky as to become Mrs. Whitewater, the bitch better have a cubic zirconium fetish.